One of my good friends, Whitney, left today. Her semester at North Greenville is over and she headed back home to Alabama. I am going to miss her terribly, and despite her need to not show emotion and keep cool, I know she is going to miss all of us here. As we were talking
about her leaving last night, she said something that stuck with me. She said her heart felt like it was torn between two places. She was ready to go home and see her family and friends back in Alabama, but part of her wanted to stay here with us.
That emotion hit me in my gut. God has a way of preparing us for what is coming, and this is has to be foreshadowing of my coming year. My number one anxiety right now as I get ready to embark on this journey is the splitting of my heart. Whitney took a piece of it with her when she left. When I leave for the race, there will be several more chunks ripped off and left in Greenville. I know that a piece of my heart will get left in every place we visit. There will pieces of Heather all over this world. Tearing your heart apart is not a pleasant process. Sometimes I wonder if there will be anything left. If I keep taking off pieces, what’s going to happen to my heart? Will it eventually cease to exist? Of course I know the answer. God works miracles with your heart. He works beyond our understanding. Logic would tell us that when you take some away, the amount you started with grows smaller. With God, though, when you give away pieces of your heart, He makes it grow bigger. The more you give, the more you have to give. Its like muscles. When you work out, you tear muscle. As the muscle heals, it grows bigger. In order for your muscles to get bigger and stronger, you have to tear them apart. Your heart is the same way.
So as I go along, I feel God calling me to vulnerability and I find myself fighting it. I ask Him, “Will you hold me when my heart gets torn? Will you be with the people I leave, and let them know I love them, and that you love them more? Please give me the strength to leave my heart behind, and then still be willing to give it away again.” God tells me to trust Him. I can’t say anymore. I just need to trust. I will God. I will trust you. I will love you. I will let you have control.
To Whitney: I will miss you my friend. I will see you soon. Know that I am praying for you and that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.
