One day I was sitting on a rock in Swaziland after a lovely picnic with my friend, Allison. We had planned on this day for about a week and were anticipating our time “alone” but, of course, together. The buddy system applies at all times when outside of your place of residence on the World Race and when you are assigned a month with ALL of the women at one ministry site you really start to value your time spent “alone.” So, Allison and I made a deal that we would go enjoy a hike and a nice picnic and then separate for some time to re-gather ourselves and be still before the Lord. Though our separation was but 15 feet, and a few trees and rocks in between us, it was just enough to feel like I was finally, for the first time in four months, ALONE.
Alone with the Lord, I heard him tell me to ask him any and every question I could think of. “This is a fun game,” I thought to myself! So, I sat there and pondered what I should ask and one a very random question arose. “Lord, what is my greatest weapon in the Kingdom?” I know… I shocked myself with such a question! What an odd and out of the box thing to ask or even think of. His answer wasn’t shocking and I should have known from the start. I pictured him in my mind’s eye with a proud daddy-grin and heard him say, “Your movement. My daughter, when you dance you shake things and you bring heavenly beauty to this world. Will you dance upon desolate and dark places? Will you let the beauty I’ve placed within you be unleashed upon the most wicked of this world?” I had chills and answered, “… yes, sir…”
As I reflected on what I just heard, I had a little flash back to training camp where one night I felt the Lord ask me to dance. After much coaxing and a little reluctant swaying back and forth, I finally walked outside from worship where the music was just as loud and began dancing. After a certain amount of time past, I sat on the ground and stared up at the stars. A pregnant woman took this chance to walk over to me and say these words to me, “I didn’t mean to snoop on your moment with Abba, but when my baby began to kick and wiggle so much I heard the Lord tell me to go look outside. I found you dancing and began to cry and my baby became still and silenced. Never mind the technical training you have, THAT was beautiful. You shake things when you move. You break things. Your squad needs this and your team needs this. Keep doing whatever it is that this is.” And then she walked away. I literally thought to myself at one point that night, “Darn, I’ve been found out!”
Throughout the Race, there have been many opportunities for me to dance during worship that I have passed up. I guess you could say my fear of rejection and judgment both outweigh my desire to please the Lord in those moments… (yikes, never thought of it that way). In a community like this though, you don’t get to hide those things, so I’ve had people come along side me to encourage and support me in this. Bridget literally picked me up off the ground at debrief so I would dance in worship. In Mozambique, one of my squad leaders challenged me to dance with the Lord at least once a week. That challenge was met with a little resistance as it has been many other times my squad mates have encouraged me to dance. To this day, I’m unsure of what it is that holds me back and keeps me down, but that’s a journey I am finding my way through.
So now flash forward to the time I’ve spent here in Latvia. The day after we arrived, Paige told me that I would have the opportunity to teach a dance class. I hadn’t taught a dance class in several years, and even though I was ecstatic to teach, I also felt the anxiety I felt when I got burned out. In my head I knew it would fine, but my heart was starting to shrink back in fear. I didn’t come on the Race to have fear rule me, though, so I decided I would overcome. And that’s just what I’ve begun doing this month not only just in the classes I’ve taught but also in my personal worship with the Lord.
On June 3, my birthday, I woke up and felt Jesus prompting me to dance with him. I found an empty room, set up my music, and danced. This was the first time I really danced for him since that moment at training camp, and I can’t even describe the way I felt. Peace swarmed around me as I created wind with my limbs. It was as if I was floating and twirling in the most radiant and luminous water. I felt a birthday hug from my Heavenly Father and just sat in the peace that follows obedience.
That’s the point I wanted to get to today (congratulations, you made it!). When we finally give in and just do what God is clearly asking us to do, his reward for our obedience is irreplaceable. The reward is a peace that you can feel to the bone. It’s a smile you can sense from the Throne Room that makes you want to curl up and take a nap in its warmth. The reward is more courage to be obedient the next opportunity you get. It’s a reward that is worth being gutsy for and taking that leap off the “drop-off” into the unknown of what will happen. It’s worth forgetting what others think (Shoot, people thought King David was crazy for dancing before the Lord!). But besides the reward of obedience, I’ve learned something that, to me, is simple, but life altering:
Abba loves, and even delights, in our baby steps of obedience, not our grand gestures.
Seriously, this was quite the relief to my worrying mind. On that rock in Swaziland, I saw myself dancing in the midst of crowds and before huge audiences – it made me want to vomit. My birthday morning I didn’t dance for the betterment of my squad or my team or those we were serving like that woman at training camp encouraged me to do. I simply obeyed the call to dance with Him that morning – with no audience. It was a baby step to training camp as well as the rock conversation in Swaziland. And He smiled and appreciated it and accepted it as an offering of my deepening love for Him. That morning I danced in praise to my Heavenly Father for intricately and beautifully creating me. Two days later, I taught a dance class to seven girls. The following week I taught dance every day at a camp.
Baby steps.
I’ve now had it said multiple times that I must continue rediscovering dance and begin using it in ministry to bring Divine Beauty to this earth. What the Lord has in store for me, I have no clue. What I do know is that he disclosed my greatest weapon to me, and I’d be silly not to use it when He asks me to. My obedience brings Him joy and in turn brings me unspeakable contentment.
The Lord always provides a way to be obedient to his commands. He isn’t a God who asks us to do things that are utterly impossible. He makes them possible through many different avenues and one of them is baby steps. “Put one foot in front of the other, and soon you’ll be walking out the doo-oo-oor!” If you are like me, you get a glimpse of the big picture and get overwhelmed by the difficulty of getting there. Don’t stress out. Breathe. And take one step forward into peace. Trust me, that peace gets more and more enticing the more baby steps you take.
So, go ahead. Take that baby step of obedience and feel the Father’s warm smile as he hugs you with his peace. You won’t regret it – I certainly don’t.
