When I think about the Race, which is pretty much every second of every day, I get a whole slew of emotions, thoughts, and expectations. Now that the reality of me going on the Race has sunken in, I feel like things just get realer and realer every day. For instance, yesterday I went to REI to purchase several large essential items: backpack, sleeping bag, tent. As I was driving home, my train of thought went something like this:
“I can’t believe I just bought that stuff… This just got real… What am I doing?!… I can’t live out of a backpack for 11 months… I really hope my tent is roomy enough… I pray to God that my funds ACTUALLY come in…”
This experience has already been one overwhelming ball of emotions. I am expecting so much and anticipating everything that will come of this adventure.
I try not to make too many expectations in life because I never want to be disappointed. But, this is totally different. I honestly couldn’t possibly begin to tell you everything I am expecting because I am expecting nothing at all and so very much at the same time. All in the same breath, I am thinking about everything I can’t wait for as well as everything that is unknown. How can you think about the unknown?… Yea, exactly. You can’t.
Between all the jumbled, confusing, sporadic thoughts, I find there is one that is recurring and extremely terrifying. Whatever the Lord has in store for me on the Race is going to change me forever. I will not be the same person when I come back home.
I like change… sometimes. Well, only when it fits nicely into my life, and it doesn’t change too many critical aspects or dynamics of my every day. So, this change of self is beyond what I can handle on my own. It is overwhelming. It is scary. It is unknown. It is challenging. It is exciting. It is expectant. It is major, massive change.
My life as I know it will never be the same when I step foot onto the first plane of Launch in January 2015. My squad mates and their beautiful hearts of gold have already impacted my life to the nth degree! I cannot even imagine what it will be like to be physically with them, doing life together, healing the sick, loving the poor, worshiping with the nations and praying prayers we never imagined praying.
Something mighty is about to happen among us, and the Lord is leading the pack. I am grateful for His leadership and unfailing love. Daily, I fall short of the calling upon my life but my Jesus never fails me. He lives up to every single expectation and then goes above and beyond them exploding into the Universe with His unending, immeasurable light, love, and joy.
So, what are my expectations for the World Race?
Everything and nothing at all. So long as my Heavenly Father is leading the way, I know that every expectation is going to be entirely blown out of the water. I’m just going to sit back, let Him take the reins, and enjoy the wildest ride in the wilderness!
