As some of you know, the Lord took me on a journey of releasing my security of a savings and trusting in Him to provide in every way. He waited until my savings was too low to fund the World Race on my own before He called me to follow Him on this journey. How convenient.
I would have gladly paid my own way from the money I worked so hard to earn because I was raised to only spend the money I have. If I did not have the money, I did not do it.
The Lord had different plans. He brought me on a journey of learning to trust Him to provide. However, in my mind and heart, I was scared. I was so scared the Lord would not provide. I was also scared that even if He did provide, I would not be able to do anything I enjoy, such as go out with friends for coffee once in a while or enjoy any of the extras that make life fun. No field trips, no extra food enjoyment, no nothing. I thought if the Lord was really going to provide, it would only be for what I needed. That is enough, but not fun.
And then there’s this:
1 Timothy 6:17
Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.
I know this is true, because the Bible tells me so, but my heart still fears.
The Lord brought me to a point of being in debt for the first time in my life upon beginning the World Race. I stepped out in faith and maybe it was the Lord and maybe it was my foolishness, but the Lord, so full of mercy and grace, provided for the need and took away my debt.
This left me with absolutely nothing to bring on the Race for personal spending money. The funds we raise cover everything we absolutely need except for healthcare. We have a food budget of $4-$5 every day depending on where we are and sometimes that is plenty and sometimes it is not. It is definitely not enough to enjoy the extras like chocolate or coffee. And when you do not bring personal spending money, you do not enjoy outings with your teammates on off days.
Between month 3 and 4 on the World Race, we had a layover in LA for a few hours. We also had a squadmate who is from LA and her parents kindly opened their home to receive packages for us from family and friends who desired to send us blessings from home. Family and friends mailed cookies and chocolate and peanut butter and other little blessings during this time. The Lord blessed me greatly through their kindness and each envelope or package I opened contained cash to be used throughout the remainder of the race for spending money. What a huge, unexpected blessing! I now had between $20-$40 to spend each month moving forward on anything I may need or even want to enjoy.
My month in Thailand was full of joy and blessing and I was able to enjoy gourmet coffee almost daily and even the occasional chocolate chip cookie! The Lord spoke to me that He was giving me all of this for my sheer pleasure and enjoyment. Wow!
Near the end of that month I felt the Lord preparing me to give away the rest of the money that He had already given to me through famliy and friends so I could trust Him again to provide. Well, it is all His anyway, right?
I had no idea what this would look like until I arrived in Cambodia. The Lord placed it on my heart to give so that this sweet girl that worked with the ministry we were partnered with could have an opportunity to do a DTS (Discipleship Training School) with YWAM (Youth With A Mission). In case any of you are wondering, I think everyone on the planet should do a DTS. 🙂
So, I gave in faith that the Lord would provide all my sweet Cambodian friend would need for her DTS and that He would also provide for everything I needed. I was back to fearing this meant I had to go without, but the Lord kepts speaking, “Trust Me.”
He has miraculously provided almost the entire $15,500 I needed to go on this World Race journey, every supply I needed for this to be a reality, and the health insurance required. That is a TON of money and the Lord still provided! He has not failed yet and I believe He never will. Okay, that is my mind trying to convince my heart. I’m still scared. I often have to go without a lot of things other people have, but it has been so good. It’s so hard, but shows me how entitled and selfish my heart really is and how little I really need to live on. It also gives the Lord opportunity to provide what I need and even provide above and beyond my needs just to bless me and love on me.
Yesterday was one of those days. I was so loved on! We were getting ready to load the bus that would take us from Cambodia to our next month in Vietnam. Everyone was exhausted from the New Years celebration and purchasing the 50 cent iced Nescafés available at our hotel. I was feeling left out and wanted one. I enjoy coffee so much and here so many of my squadmates were enjoying it without me. Well, I was not about to ask so I pushed the thought from my mind. I had already spent all of my food budget and had nothing left. I certainly did not need the coffee anyway.
A few minutes later, a friend of mine comes up to me and asks if I would like a coffee or if I would be too worried about having to go to the bathroom. Cambodian busses don’t have bathrooms and we were about to begin a 6 hour bus ride.
My Response? “YES! I would love coffee!”
So, she gave me the 50 cents (2000 riel) to buy a coffee. The Lord alone knew my heart and still made a way.
Now, here’s the thing. When watching someone else select their coffee, I noticed there were 2 kinds to choose from: Espresso Roast and Latte. I couldn’t decide! I wanted one of each! That is the excessiveness of my heart. Why must I only enjoy one when there are two kinds to try? But why must I be greedy? Can’t I be satisfied with the one the Lord gave me through my friend?!
However, God knew my heart. How could I be disappointed? I chose the Latte and chose to be content in the blessing I just received.
Not a few minutes later, one of my new teammates came up to me and said, “I can’t remember; are you a coffee drinker?”
“Why YES I am!”
She proceeded to give me one of the Espresso Roast coffees in her hand! I now had one of each!!!! I felt so lavished on in love. One was enough, but two? I KNEW that was the Lord loving on me because He is a good Dad.
Then we get to Vietnam and it’s time to go out for dinner. I wanted street food because it was the only food within budget. However, one of my new teammates loves Pho and wanted to have her first Vietnamese meal done right at a restaurant. I told her I would sit with her and enjoy the time with her, but I needed to stay within the food budget. She responded as though the entire time it was her plan to treat me to dinner. What?! Is this for real?!
We went to a restaurant, enjoyed a delicious beef Pho, spring rolls that were full of shrimp and meat and yumminess in every bite AND we even enjoyed a Vietnamese coffee together, sweetened condensed milk and all. It was a HUGE blessing!
All of this love and blessing in ONE day! It was ALL for joy and I was overwhelmed with gratitude! Jesus really DOES love me!
The Lord keeps telling me to trust Him. Why do I find this so difficult to do? I am fully convinced this is one day the Lord wanted to shower His love on me to show me He cares just as much about my enjoyment in the things He has given us in this life to enjoy with friends and family as He cares about providing for our most basic survival needs.
The Lord gives. And He takes away. And then He gives us even more.
Who IS this God we serve? All I know for sure is that He is a God of love and I want to know Him even more.
