Thailand: The ‘Land of Smiles’ where honoring one another is taken seriously, shoes are not worn indoors, showers are taken at least twice a day, where you will try some of the best food on the planet, good coffee can be found everywhere and sweetened condensed milk is an ingredient in everything… almost.
With only two days left in this beautiful place, I am going to try to reflect and share how this month turned my heart upside down.
This month has been defined by the Lord’s grace. He has gracefully begun to develop the fruits of the Spirit within me and gently taught me to choose Him. Mostly, it has been easy. Then there were the times it wasn’t so easy, but the Lord gently gave me the choice and the strength to choose Him, to choose His peace and His patience and His love and His faithfulness. Sometimes I did successfully and sometimes I did not and experienced the weight of my failure.
My team and I partnered with Lighthouse in Action, which is one of the most God led ministries I have ever seen. It is a joy to be a part of and serve alongside this group of men and women whose hearts are wholly committed to serving the Lord however He leads.
(For more information on this incredible ministry, you can go here:
This is a ministry I recommend everyone getting to know in some way, shape or form by partnering with them in prayer, donating to meet imminent needs as the Lord’s vision continues to grow and expand or by sending teams to serve alongside.)
Out of the 4 to 5 teams that were here throughout the month serving in different areas, my team was the Café Team. We served alongside the Thai girls who work 13 hour shifts day in and day out at Zion Café. We washed dishes, cleaned tables and took out the trash. We swept and mopped, served tables and cleared tables. We served with the girls to love on them. And we loved on them to just love on them however we could. We had to fight to build these relationships, which made the friendships that developed far more precious. It was such a joy for me to love through my service, something the Lord has been challenging me in for the past 3 months now and continuing to stretch me in. My heart was for the girls to see the Lord in me and His love for them.
Then two and a half short weeks fly by, relationships are building, my heart is full of love and it is now time to say goodbye. I begin to question if it even mattered. Am I just another face passing through? Or did the Lord’s love show through in a way that will leave a permanent footprint? Am I really getting it or is my selfishness still too much in the way? Is the Lord using me? Or am I still just a broken mess? Are my efforts to love just annoying or is the Lord really in this all?
I really do not have an answer to these questions and my heart hurts. The Lord has shaken me this week after allowing me to serve in joy for two solid weeks. He has shaken my perspectives and understandings, everything. How much of this journey has been in my own efforts to find the Lord and ask Him to change what I think I’m supposed to change and how much of this journey has been me being completely open to anything and everything the Lord has to say, to show me and teach me and actually allowing Him to be the voice behind the words I speak and the heart behind my actions?
So, as this month comes to an end, I’m not so sure it mattered. I’m not so sure my efforts mattered, but I am sure it was worth giving my all to love. I am certain every bit of it was worth it so the Lord could bring me to this point of realizing I have kept Him in a box with so many expectations and understandings I was not aware of until this point. And maybe, just maybe this next month will be one of the Lord speaking to me about the work He wants to do rather than me still speaking to Him about the work I want Him to do in me.
