My Life is Not My Own

Days like this are such a blessing.  It certainly did not feel like a blessing when our team was looking forward to our first real day off from ministry since our arrival to the Philippines.  We had a couple of days to adjust as soon as we arrived, but after 55+ hours of travel, we were too exhausted to truly enjoy them.  We were trying to fight through jetlag and get aquainted with the Asian culture and our ministry site and contacts.

At first we were told Fridays would be our days off this month, but that this Friday we would have a talent show in the evening for the youth.  This was to last around an hour or so, which is no big deal.  It still takes from ‘my’ time, but how can I complain with the rest of the day off?  I am here to serve, not be served, but I still seem to consider my time, mine.  When my day off still has an obligation, it doesn’t feel much like a day off.  I’m the person who needs to not be required to do anything on a day off in order to be able to relax fully.

A few days into our week, we were told we were now invited to a local church’s anniversary in the morning of our day off.  This should only be one hour, so that is ok, right?  Our ministry contacts love us so well and bless us in how well they serve us by preparing all of our meals for us, which are actually feasts.  Our days are not jam packed and there is plenty of ‘free’ time scattered throughout our days anyway, so what is one more hour first thing in the morning of our day off?  It was feeling a bit more full now that our morning and evening now had plans, but we still had most of the day.  There really was no reason to complain, but our hearts twisted ever so slightly within us with discontent at this news.

We discussed this as a team and concluded the sacrifice was so minor that we could not even consider it a sacrifice and honoring our hosts and the community far outweighed this small cost to us.  We had enough free time throughout the week to have our quiet times with the Lord and for enough rest… and then Friday came.

We were told we would leave at 9am for the anniversary celebration.  During breakfast cleanup we found out lunch would be served at the celebration.  Oh?  Lunch would most certainly not be served at 10am so this is when we discovered this celebration would go far longer than expected. 

A theme on the World Race is to not have expectations, but for some reason, we always have them.  Five long hours into this anniversary celebration in Tagalog mixed with a few Spanish and English words here and there, our teams were bored out of our minds and becoming more and more discontent that our day off had rapidly turned into an incredibly full day.  We could not understand much of what was going on, we were exhausted and just wanted a day of rest.

This is when the Lord began speaking to me.  My life is not my own. 

In the gospels, Jesus tells us that if we are to follow Him, we are to come and die.

And he said to all,  If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.  For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.
Luke 9:23-24

Jesus gave up everything for me.  He came into my world, giving up His heavenly throne, to meet me at my level and show me that by giving my life to Him, He would give me life in return.  He sacrificed everything for me.  He loved me before I loved Him and He loves me even still when my love for Him is so selfish and imperfect.  How can I not sacrifice my life for Him?

I keep asking the Lord to use me for His glory.  I keep asking Him to make me His hands and His feet and His mouthpiece.  Then I have a day like this that reveals how much my heart is unwilling to yield to the leading of the Lord when He takes MY time and especially on MY day off.  How can I ever expect the Lord to use me on my terms?  Who am I to tell the Lord when I want to follow Him and when I want my life to myself?  The Lord called me to come and die, die to my will, my desires, my plans, my time and my selfishness and to follow Him wherever and however He leads.  Does this not include following Him to a seemingly neverending church anniversary celebration on my day off, my rest day, no matter how exhausted I am or how stretched I am even if, ESPECIALLY IF, it means that it will honor my ministry hosts and the surrounding community in which we are living?

By coming onto the World Race, I said ‘yes’ to Jesus and ‘no’ to myself, my time, my desires, my plans and my selfishness.  By saying ‘yes’ to Jesus, I am saying,

“Not my will, Lord, but Thy will be done.”

I came to serve, not be served.  I came to learn to follow Jesus and love like He loves and that love is going to cost me.  However, when I am exhausted and stretched thin, the Lord shows me His grace truly is enough and His strength will be exemplefied in my weakness.  The Lord is showing me that in Him, I can be content in all circumstances and find rest in Him regardless of the busyness of everyday life and regardless of the multitude of people surrounding me at all times.  Our rest comes from the Lord, from His Spirit refreshing and giving rest to the spirit He has put within us.  That rest is enough.  His grace is enough.  His strength is enough.  Through Him, I can do all things and in my weaknesses and in my sacrifice to love at a cost to ‘my’ time, which is not my own, the Lord is glorified.  His beauty and His goodness and His love is on display when I choose to say ‘yes’ to Him and ‘no’ to myself.  For my life is no longer my own; I have been bought at a price.