"The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.
The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made."
-Psalm 145:8-9
We had a time of worship and prayer Thursday morning with the staff. My Team Leader, Zack, created our playlist for worship and as the list came to an end, the Lord put it on His heart to play one more song, an instrumental song, so we could simply rest in the Lord, loving on Him and being loved on in return. He asked us to think about all the ways God has blessed us on The World Race journey thus far and how He has blessed the staff on their journeys as staff thus far.
This was such a precious time with the Lord because the World Race has been far more difficult than I ever imagined. I really have not enjoyed this journey as much as I have struggled through it attempting to allow God to purify me and mold me and make me into who He has created me to be, but often failing miserably and encountering more challenges than I could try to appreciate. However, during this time I was overwhelmed with reminders of Who the Lord has been to me all this time.
Though the Race has been difficult, I have never before seen more of the Lord. I have never before seen so much of His love and mercy and goodness and kindness towards me. He is relentlessly kind towards me. The Lord has provided for all I need and then some. He provided antibiotics when I needed them. He has met every financial deadline on time up until this point just to confirm that He loves me and will take care of me. Not a day has gone by when I have not known in my heart and soul and felt it in my spirit that the Lord is near. He has loved on me. He has given me fresh coconuts and He has even blessed me with the joy of giving. He has given me chocolate covered fruit, fresh smoothies, coffee, and banana chocolate chip muffins. He has given me the breakfast I desired our first month in Guatemala and answered almost every single prayer I have prayed just to show me He is near and that He cares about the things that are important to me, regardless of how big or small.
The Lord has been so gracious with me. He is so patient and gentle. He disciplines me in love so I might one day begin to look like His Son, Jesus. He is patient with me when I am stubborn and turned around and not sure how to turn back around or simply too stubborn to do so. I have turned my back on the Lord more times than I care to admit. I have been unfaithful to Him by giving into my discouragement and negative feelings. I have been inconsistent and untrustworthy and I certainly have not loved well, yet the Lord has never stopped pursuing me. He has never stopped working in me. He has never turned away from me and He has NEVER given up on me.
The Lord continues to faithfully pursue me in His great love and He speaks tenderly to me. He has called me beautiful. I have yet to see how this mess of a woman could be beautiful, but the Lord is telling me over and over again that I am beautiful, that He made me beautiful and that He is taking all the broken pieces, that He is taking the mess and making something beautiful out of me.
The Lord is so good to me. I deserve none of it, but He loves me anyway. He has loved me when I try to do well and He has even loved me when I have completely abandoned all attempts to do well and have done very badly. He loves me when I try to stand and He has loved me even when I fall. This is a love that makes my heart very uncomfortable to try to accept. It is a love that I cannot understand, but a love worth continuing on this difficult journey just to discover more of. For in His great love, I have been blessed beyond measure.
