I just want to take a moment to openly share some of the internal and external struggles I faced during our first month in China. My experience of being a missionary this far in the journey looks a lot different than I pictured it to look like. I imagined to get here and automatically transition more quickly to all of the sudden changes. It’s never been hard for me to move away from home or adapt to new environments. The reality is that none of this has happened fast and in a lot of ways I overlooked how hard it would be to be a missionary here. I thought that things would be easier since this is where God called me. The truth is that doing God’s work is hard because it requires us to die to ourself daily. It also requires knowing who you are in Christ, which I will talk more about in a future blog post.
Sharing a room with five other women has been more of a challenge than I could’ve ever dreamed. Better yet sharing the day in’s and day out’s of every day life with a group is just plain hard, especially when you’re an introvert. We all have different personalities and we’re all at different places in life. I can see where I have missed out on what God had for me in the past by limiting my ability to open up to new people different from me. It’s easy to always find people like you but it really is the people different from us that will teach us the most. The first month was filled with adjusting to the time difference, the initial culture shock, learning the language, adjusting to our living situation, getting over being homesick, and working through my own insecurities just to name a few of the hard things. I know God called me and brought me here so I will continue praying that I will keep pressing in to all that He has for me this year. I also pray that He will help me walk in the spirit and extend grace to those around me.
I have an amazing team and I can see God working through each of them to bring His kingdom to earth. I just want to be openly honest about all the struggles that are a part of the journey and how living in community is not always easy. We’ve experienced some amazing things that some people can only dream of doing, but there are also hard days that follow that are not posted about in pictures. I have spent a lot of time fundraising, praying and dreaming of being here and now that I’m actually here doing this it’s hard to live in the moment and appreciate each day as it comes. I pray that God will continue to help me be content in walking with Him each day and not think so far into the future. I know His spirit is with me in the present moment, so I want to become more patient in waiting for His timing. I pray that He will continue to help me fix my eyes on things above and help me to remember this journey with Him is a process. He will reveal to me the things I need to understand as I walk with Him daily. I trust that He is going to bring healing to broken areas of my heart along the way as He continues to mold me more into the image of Christ.
2 Corinthians 16-18
“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal”
As I reflect on last month, I know that my expectations of things are different than what I imagined, but the Lord is so much bigger than my limited thoughts. I had a girl pray over me last month and give me a word from God one morning in prayer and it sums up all I have been feeling inside. She told me that at times I may feel like I’m suffocating but not to get discouraged. She also saw mountains when she prayed that represent the fresh air that God will continue to bring me along the rest of the journey here. This was one of those experiences when I realized just how near God is to me and how He knows what we need at just the right time. I grew up with mountains surrounding my hometown back in Alabama, and being on the mountain top at my family’s house has always been one of those safe places for me where I feel most alive and refreshed in the presence of God. I know God will continue to bring me more moments like this in the upcoming months.
