Most of the people that are a part of my life know that my dad has never been present.
Most of the people in my life know that not having my dad around didn’t affect me too much while I was growing up. Occasionally I would wonder why I didn’t have a dad or I would wonder why he didn’t want to have anything to do with me.
I believe the reason that I didn’t dwell to much on the issue was because I had great people who displayed a lot of love to me throughout my life.
So lets fast forward a few years.
It’s February 4th, 2010 and I’m sitting in the University Center at UTC with Bonnie Holmes. She’s explaining to me the life of our Perfect Savior. She’s sharing with me the hope that she has in Jesus Christ. She’s telling me the truth of how much God loves me as His DAUGHTER.
At the moment God grabbed a hold of my heart and wouldn’t let go. I made the choice to give my life to Him and trust Him with everything. One thing that stood out to me was that I realized it was okay that I didn’t have an earthly father to love me because my Heavenly Father loved me more than any man ever could. I was loving my life as a baby believer. I was learning new things about God and His word everyday.
In March, through a series of events, I had been told that my dad was going to contact me.
For the first time in my life I was going to talk my dad. My 18 year old self was freaking out just a little bit.
In the summer of 2010 I fly up to Pennsylvania to meet my dad. My expectations were through the roof. My dad was going to be perfect and all the questions I ever had about him would be answered. Our relationship would be amazing.
Wrong.
Dead wrong.
So after processing the fact that meeting my dad wasn’t as great as I thought it would be I accepted that I was hurt. I was so hurt that a daddy didn’t seem interested in wanting to know his little girl.
Remember all the stuff I said about having a Heavenly Father who loves me? Yeah, I threw that our the window. I told myself that I didn’t need an earthly fathers love, but I didn’t actually believe it.
For the last three years I’ve been carrying around the weight of hating my dad for never being there.
I’ve had this huge daddy shaped hole in my heart and I didn’t know how to fill it.
As our month in South Africa has come to an end, I expected debrief to be a time of relaxation and rest.
God had other plans.
During worship The Lord kept bringing me back to the truths of His grace and forgiveness. While I was praying I asked God to tell me why He was taking me down this path… I mean, I know that I’m forgiven and I know that I’m covered by God’s grace.
When I started thinking about my dad I knew. I knew that God wanted me to forgive my dad. If God could send his son to be hung on a cross for me and for my sins then why was it so hard for me to forgive my dad?
I asked The Lord for strength.
I asked The Lord for comfort.
If I was really going to forgive my dad then I needed some serious courage.
The next thing I know I’m sharing with my entire squad that I was finally able to forgive my dad! I couldn’t believe these words were coming out of my mouth. But not only did I say it out loud, I actually felt it in my heart. I literally felt the burden lifted off of me.
I forgave my dad.
Friends, if there is someone who you need to forgive then I encourage you to check your heart, spend some time with The Lord, and forgive that person. This has been such a freeing experience for me. The chains have been broken and I don’t have to hate my dad anymore.
Praise God.
