At the end of month one we had our first debrief. This was a really hard time for me, I felt very isolated and alone. It’s extremely hard for me to be around 57 + people all the time. Also during debrief God was pointing out a few things that I needed to work on.
One of the main things that made me feel so alone was that we started really diving into listening prayer. We did an ATL (Ask the Lord) day, where you literally just ask God how He wants to use you and He lets you know. Listening to God’s voice is still very new to me. I felt very discouraged when I didn’t hear anything. I was encouraged by the group I was with, but hearing everyone else’s stories when we got back together didn’t help. I felt like I was the only person in the world that God didn’t want to talk to.
One recent team time listening prayer was the only thing on the agenda. Having constant communication with God is one of my main goals on the race so I always welcome these opportunities but I also dread them.
Team time Monday night February 13th.
Our team does listening prayer by all praying for one person at a time. We ask God what He would like to say to His child, then listen. Sometimes He talks, sometimes He doesn’t. You then tell the person you prayed for what God had to say, and then we move on to the next person. It is so awesome to have everyone pray for you and get all these encouraging words.
On this night I went very last. The first person I prayed for I didn’t get anything. I was trapped in MY thoughts, MY doubts. I couldn’t clear my mind to allow God to work. The frustration from debrief flooded me. I instantly felt like I was alone, unworthy and definitely not worth talking to. I thought I had beaten these lies but in this single instant they were back. I won’t lie to you, I’m a bit dramatic sometimes, and I had to get the heck out of this situation before all the feels overwhelmed me. I ran out of the room. Yes, this mature Godly World Racer ran out of the room. One of my teammates came and talked to me. I voiced everything that was going on in my mind and how I felt alone. She prayed for me, related with me and helped me to get a new perspective.
Feeling quite sheepish we journeyed back to the room. We started praying for the next person and I got something. (I’m a very visual person so I’ve noticed that God speaks to me through visions.) I got a vision for not just one BUT every single person after praying with my teammate. I could feel my confidence in this area growing.
Now. This is what God wanted to say to me.
-You are worthy
-The song “Strong Tower”
-A vision of me sitting and listening to my Ipod. I was tuning everything else out. When she saw what I was listening to the Ipod just said God. Then she heard the words “Hear Me”.
-A vision of me on a boat. The boat had no method of steering whatsoever. I was just standing on the boat holding onto a rope that went up to heaven and God was pulling me wherever He wanted me to go.
-A vision of me dancing in a field of flowers in God’s sunlight. Darkness and a wolf were close by ready to attack, waiting for a moment of weakness. Then God started to pull me and the field out of sight until I was completely gone. Then God told her to tell me “She is Mine”.
After this team time I felt so overwhelmed with God’s love for me. The last vision brought tears to my eyes. About a week later we did listening prayer again but in a different way. Everyone’s name was written on a piece of paper and without looking at the paper you had to ask God what He wanted to say to this person. I had some doubt still because this is so new to me. I prayed and got a vision of God holding this piece of paper in His hands. I could clearly see that there were so many other pieces of paper on the floor but God had eyes for this single piece of paper. When I finally got to open the paper I saw that it was my name. I literally laughed out loud. This was so beautiful and I was very happy that this vision was for me. Also this proved to me that God wants to talk to me even if it is just about me.
Little things like this have been happening all month. I see God’s hand and repetitions in everything. The same week that we did the listening prayer for the second time I decided to download a sermon from my home church. The sermon was dated January 22 and Pastor Steve spoke on the importance of prayer. At 23 minutes into the sermon Pastor Steve said “The day that you are separated from the God, you better be careful because the wolves are coming and they’re going to devour you on the trail.” I stopped, and then replayed that section. Then I went and got the girl that had the vision for me about the wolf and I played the clip again. We both started to freak out because this lined up perfectly with her vision for me. Through listening prayer I feel so much closer to God than I ever have before and I cannot wait to see what is to come.
