One of the greatest memories of my high school career came from a series of MANY unfortunate events that day. It was this year, during our school’s spring musical. The day began to unfold like any other during the performance season- exhausted singers, dancers and actors walking the halls of the school like zombies after another late performance, only to be continued and the crippling exhaustion built upon that night.
Despite the inevitable weariness that months of rehearsals and weeks of performances bring, our department constantly strives for a standard of excellence that hardly seems possible for a high school theater company. This professionalism extends to every aspect of the department- from the beautiful voices, to the broadway caliber costumes and set pieces, to the technicality of dance and audience entertainment. It reaches from the front of the house to the depths of backstage and even contributes to how the cast, crews and orchestra interact.
In the show I was a dancer- one of only five of us, cast in a special role outside of the other dancers. We were considered the most experienced dancers, capable of tougher choreography and able to branch out in our dance styles.
In my four years of productions, we have all acted as a family. Of course, there are always those who don’t get along, but for the most part, we all work as a unit. We coexist for months on end for the good of the show, not necessarily ourselves.
But this day was different.
Someone had decided to break this “family” bond- this trust we’d established.
Without warning or real understanding of what was happening, I was being questioned. The most ridiculous questions I’d ever heard were being asked by school administration, by teachers and even a police officer.
Without delving too much into the details of what all happened, someone had started rumors- and “rumors” may be the understatement of the year. A girl who I had never even talked to had decided to start rumors that literally destroyed my reputation (for a hot minute, until people realized she was lying), ruined my self esteem (for a lot longer), and could have easily gotten an innocent person arrested. She had taken my talent, developed over years of practice, as a dancer and completely trashed it, along with the innocent, Christian reputation I’d spent my whole life building up.
Out of jealousy and pure malicious intent, this girl took a part of me. Though totally false, her rumors (and the fact that others actually believed her) made me doubt myself entirely.
Maybe I wasn’t talented.
Maybe I didn’t deserve to be where I was.
Maybe I’ve been given these roles out of pity.
Now what a horrible way to think about yourself, even when the lies are obviously lies.
Now here’s where the best memory comes in.
That night in performance, the worst kept coming. Technical difficulties were running ramped and everyone was beyond stressed. We had so many issues that night that intermission needed to be called early, and last for more than 30 minutes, as opposed to the regular 10.
Due to the order of the show and costume changing needs, I was left as the only dancer in my group of five that was able to dance a crucial transformation scene. In “The Little Mermaid”, Ariel was turning into a human. We were all under the impression that we’d just cut the dancers from the transformation when the director found me and said, “Girl, you’ve got yourself a solo.”
What.
My mind was going crazy. Thousands of thoughts rushed through my head, all of them doubting myself entirely.
You can’t dance, remember?
You’re not talented enough.
You’ll make a fool out of yourself.
All of a sudden it was time. I went on stage, no choreography planned, just my head and the stage.
When I got off the stage I headed straight to the back where people had been watching on a screen. I felt fantastic.
As soon as I opened the door, there was cheering. For me. The one who “wasn’t talented” and “can’t actually dance”.
I’d proved the haters wrong friends. But most of all, I’d proved myself wrong.
Now I assume you’re wondering how this has anything to do with the World Race and ministry, but I promise you, there is a correlation.
How similar is that situation to our everyday battles with the devil?
Satan is constantly feeding us lies about ourselves, telling us we aren’t good enough. He tells us we are much too sinful to call ourselves Christians. He tells us our God will never forgive us for the things we do. He tells us we are much too broken to help other people, and that we are much too lost to lead others to Christ.
And we start to believe him.
Maybe I really am too broken to be saved, too lost to be found.
Maybe I’m not a strong enough Christian to go and be a missionary.
Wow- they’re fully funded? They’ve got $8,000 in their account?? They passed their first deadline two months ago??? Maybe I’m too behind…. maybe I shouldn’t be doing this.
And that’s exactly how he wants us to think.
But then we’re given an opportunity. Maybe it’s one in which we don’t have an option to say yes or no, like the dance I was thrown into, we are just kind of “volun-told”.
We go in to it terrified of the outcome, terrified of making a fool out of ourselves because Satan is telling us we’re not strong enough. But when we defy the odds, ignore the Devil’s lies, and step out in faith, we have the opportunity to prove him wrong, prove ourselves wrong, and prove God, with whom our faith lies, right.
We have to stop believing Satan’s lies and let God’s Grace WIN.
Here comes those whispers in my ear
Saying who do you think you are
Looks like you’re on your own from here
Cause grace could never reach that far
But, in the shadow of that shame
Beat down by all the blame
I hear you call my name sayin it’s not over
And my heart starts to beat
So loud now, drowning out the doubt
I’m down but I’m not out
There’s a war between guilt and grace
And they’re fighting for a sacred space
But I’m living proof
Grace wins every time
-Matthew West, Grace Wins
July 22nd is coming up fast, and that’s my first fundraising deadline! Thank you so much to everyone for your support thus far! I have about $1000 to go before I reach my deadline, so please consider donating if you are feeling led to do so! After this deadline, I have another $5000 due in SEPTEMBER, so fundraising isn’t slowing down! I still have a long ways to go!
I am so excited about this opportunity to travel the world to share the good news of Christ’s love with these people and communities, but I can’t do it without your help!
Thank you in advanced for your support, as well as all of your support already!
xoxo,
Hayds
