Hurting Others
I despise the feeling that I am unintentionally hurting others or making them ache inside for no “good” reason. This is how I felt most of last Saturday (July 3rd.)
My team and I left our contacts in Mwanza, Tanzania, to prepare for our return to Kenya for the month of July. While we did not know what lay ahead of ourselves at time, my heart ached as though I lost a loved one as I shared a tearful good-bye with our contact’s children. To see the pain, confusion, and abandonment written on their faces as tears and questions came forth made me want to cry out in frustration and pain. I did cry as I held their hands and hugged them for one last time. I prayed that they would not be psychologically damaged by our premature departure. I prayed that they would not perceive missionaries in a negative light because of us. I prayed that God would comfort and quiet their souls (as well as Casondra’s and mine) as we packed our bags once more. I prayed that God would increase His love within me, as I fought anger at the injustice of us hurting these 3 children. I also prayed that God would remove the guilt that held me captive at the sight of these children crying.
Now, 5 days later, I can now see clearly that God allowed me to cry, feel, and ache along with these young ones to show me that if I am to love like Him, I will feel more than I ever wanted to, but He had this planned for me.
