I Want to be God/Surrendering My Savior Complex
In recent years, I’ve realized that I struggle with a ‘savior complex,’ which is simply a mentality that attempts to ‘save’ or help others, even if it is not my responsibility. I can distinctly recall tearful nights of serving the homeless in Nashville, wanting more for them than they seemed to want for themselves. There have also been parallel tearful conversations and situations that have involved my siblings and some of my close friends over the years.
So it comes to no surprise that I have found myself wanting to do more for those I meet and encourage here in Kenya. A prime example is from having a conversation with one of the women of our church yesterday. We had just finished up a meeting with the widows and one of the ladies approached Lynsie and I with a prayer request. On my first impression of her, I thought this woman was around 30 years of age, but standing with my hand on her shoulder and her hand on my back as we prayed together, I realized that she was much older, if not in actuality but through the challenges of her short life.
I had teared up during our meeting, which included eleven widows, five of my teammates, and I as the ladies shared their prayer requests. But when I heard of all the struggles that this one woman lives with, I felt burdened with this seemingly impossible situation.
As any ‘good Christian’ would, I prayed and patted this woman’s shoulder, reassuring her of God’s eternal love and grace, reminding her that just as God is aware of the number of hairs on her head and the number of grass in the field where we stood, He knows, loves, and is aware of her and her struggles.
I wanted to do more than hug her good-bye and tell her I’d pray for her throughout the week, but that is all I could do. I didn’t and don’t have a solution or cure for her. I wish I did and even now, as I sit comfortably in the house we’ve rented for the month, I cannot stop thinking about her and her four children. I know that prayer is more powerful than anything I could ever do or say, but part of me still wants to ‘save’ her, even though I cannot. This is where thoughts of injustice and wishes of wanting to be like God or on a team of biomedical engineers filter into my mind.
So, as I continue to love the ministry here in Kenya (and Kenya in general), I am beginning to not just address this unhealthy mentality, but to truly surrender it to God.
