I am currently sitting at a nursing home, on my very short 30 minute break. I chose to take on a schedule with one day off a week, working 7a-10p almost everyday. Each morning I wake up, I press snooze way too many times and I roll out of bed and head to a day full of picking up, feeding, cleaning, and taking care of the elderly. Being a nurse aid is the most rewarding thing in my life right now, even though it puts wear and tear on my body, even though I don’t have time for anything else, even though it makes me stress about the events ahead, every morning I am happy to put a smile on my face and care for the people who have grown to old, to out of shape to take care of themselves.
Helping people is my passion. Growing up I started babysitting, and at the time it was a way for an 11 year old to make money while looking after, and hanging out with kids. I realized my passion when I was in eighth grade after I came back from a trip to Haiti. I felt as though my life had no purpose unless I was helping others. My freshman year of high school I joined a teenage ministry that helped other struggling teens. I went on another trip to Haiti my junior year, and I became an STNA my senior year of high school and held my first job as an aid. I went to college and my passion of helping others was put on hold so that I could help myself be better fit to help other people.
This is where I found myself lost on where I wanted to go in life. Since I was in elementary I knew I wanted to be in the medical field, but learning chemistry, evolution and microbiology quickly made me doubt the path that I wanted to take in life. I started realizing the academic rigor that came with being a pre-med biology major. Everyone thought that I was doing okay, even though I was struggling hard core, falling behind, and searching the answers to my questions “Where do I need to be next fall?”, “Am I really supposed to be a doctor?” “What path does God want me to take?”
One day my mom sent me a link to the Christian Backpacker. A website full or backwoods missions and retreats. My mom sent me a lot of links while I was in school, and to be honest, unless I was really bored, I wouldn’t read them. But this one I did. I kept coming across links of different trips, retreats, weekends. And that was when my scrambling found the World Race.
Bright colors and a child’s face caught my eye on screen. I instantly had a fire lit inside me once I watched the video on the first page. Tears fell, this was an answer to one of my questions. I knew that the following fall I would embark on a 9 month missions trip, on the World Race: Gap Year. This was also a chance, a chance to follow my passion, a chance to see where God wanted to take me in life.
I applied right away, not realizing how strenuous the application process was. But finally I got in. I did it! The moment I found out I was full of joy. I jumped around in excitement, trying to sound calm over the phone. Then there was a “but”. No one ever likes “buts”. My jumping became a sitting on the ground, waiting to hear what the ultimatum of me going on the trip of a lifetime, the trip that I felt called on to be the hands and feet of Jesus.
The “but” was that I needed to work on being more vulnerable. I listen through what they had to say, thinking, “vulnerability? I have a problem with vulnerability?” Immediately I came up with a plan in my head on how to “fix” my vulnerability issue.
After the most exciting, and most confusing phone call of my life, I began to realize how closed off I was to other people. Sure, I would tell them what I thought was necessary to be shared, the basics and the run down of my life.
This tool has been given to me, this blog. I have never been a blogger, honestly I have never wanted to share my feelings on an open forum. But the experience that God is about to put me through is going to be so emotionally and spiritually taxing. Normally I would want to share that with my mom and maybe one or two other people, but in order for me to grow in Christ, I need you to know that this blog, from now until my trip is over, is going to be full of raw emotion, crazy experiences, and most of all me.
Right now I am tired. Working overtime, and finding little time to myself (after all I’m writing this while on my break). When I find myself thinking on the Job, I find myself thinking of the amount of things that need to get done in 2 weeks, in a month, in 3 months.
Right now I find myself more anxious than excited about the world race. I feel behind and at a loss compared to the rest of my teammates. I mean, some of them already have there trips paid off and I need $5000 in 2 weeks.
I have a resident that is very passionate about Jesus, and when he is on my assignment, I have the time to sit and talk to him about the challenges that I am currently facing. Morning after morning, he never fails to give me a little encouragement, hope and excitement about the things that I am going to do for the kingdom of God, but also the way that God is going to change me in this next year.
I find myself stressing over the logistical side of this trip, which is necessary. But also the faith side if this trip. Instead of my free moments being consumed with worry and anxiety, I need to focus on God and the fact that he has this trip in his hands.
This first blog isn’t only to update and inform you on the amazing trip that I am preparing for, but to also invite you to follow, support and pray for me while going through this process. I hope that this tool can not only help me grow in my walk, but that it could also impact others.
This is the beginning of my journey, and I joined a little late in the game. Thank you to all who are going to donate to my trip, and If God has placed it on your heart to help me financially, press the big orange DONATE button at the top of the page.
Blessings!
James 1: 2-4
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
