*this blog is mostly directed to/referring to the ladies on the race, as most of the guys are loosing weight, the losers.*
The truth is that its more than likely going to happen. A diet of mostly carbs and oil, (with the occasional trip to town for surgery snacks) exercise being harder to facilitate than at home, and food being a major source of comfort are all reasons that make the weight gain near to inevitable.
Well, its happening. My clothes are a little tighter, my stomach a little softer. And honestly, its been really hard to deal with. I’ve felt a lot of shame that I didn’t keep the weight off by eating less and running more. I’m ashamed that I’m even struggling with it! When I’m constantly thinking about how I look, what I have to do to loose this weight, how not to add to it, etc, I’m NOT thinking about how to best serve God, or those around me. I’m thinking only of myself. And I do NOT want that to be the story of my Race. I don’t want to look back at the end of these nine months and say, “Oh, I wish I would have let myself enjoy this or that more instead of worrying about my body!” So, I’m not going to let that happen.
On this incredible journey God is teaching us to find our identities beyond the seen, including our bodies. And so thats why I’m standing up to this thought and mindset that the number we see on the scale defines anything about us. It doesn’t define our beauty. It doesn’t define our health. It certainly doesn’t define our worth. All of those things are defined by the fact that we were created perfectly for a purpose. Now that doesn’t mean that you should be careless about your body, it is a temple of the Lord after all. We should eat as healthy as is reasonable, we should exercise to keep our bodies strong. But we can’t let those things control us. We can’t let it distract us from the bigger picture here, glorifying God!
And I’m saying all these things and feeling like the biggest hypocrite. I don’t feel like those things are true. I look at the clothes that fit me perfectly before the race that I’m dropping at debrief because they don’t fit right and feel a little sick. I’ve caught myself scrutinizing photos before I post them to make sure I don’t look too much different. But I’m choosing to hold on to the truth. I’m choosing to refocus my mind any time it strays into that place of self disgust. And I’m choosing to see that I’m not the only person on this squad or in this life dealing with it. It freaking terrifies me that I’m talking about this on the internet! And that I can’t just write a really uplifting message about why gaining weight doesn’t matter, because I do think it matters, and I definitely don’t have all the answers. But if by being vulnerable about this I can bring it into the light and walk through it stronger than I began, and maybe even help someone else walking through the same thing, its worth it.
So ladies, if you ever want to talk about this, hit me up. You know how to get a hold of me. And you readers who aren’t currently dealing with this, pray for my squad. Be positive, about the people around you and yourself. You never know how much power your words have, because even if you’re just joking about your body, there might be someone listening who is struggling with their body and wishing they had yours. Please be praying for our squad. I know I’m not the only girl dealing with this. And we are headed into ‘man-istry month,’ which means while the guys get a month of being men around men, all of us girls we be on all female teams, and its the perfect opportunity to talk about this and and all grow in it together.
