so writing this blog is hard.
why?
cause i don't want to write it, i wish it would write itself.
i have this phobia that if i don't write something profound each blog, i will have wasted your time and support.
i guess that sounds kind of dumb.
whatever, its the truth.
well here is the not so profound part of my life.
since training camp i've been down on my luck. got the flu, got some other medical issues, and oh yeah, my attitudes been horrible. i say the most smart aleck things too. like rude.
seriously though, i've been in this weird funk thing where i have decided i would be "depressed," well more like into depressing things.
i've been listening to depressing music, watching depressing movies. sometimes i think i have this weird obsession with depressing things.
its actually quit funny cause a lot of people think i am joyful and funny. i laugh at that.
see even this blog is getting quit cynical.
do you know where that word cynical comes from, or cynicism. cynicism in its original form, refers to the beliefs of an ancient school of Greek philosophers known as the cynics. their philosophy was that the purpose of life was to live a life of virtue in agreement with nature.
then how has cynical become such a negative word.
in agreement with nature….that keeps playing in my head.
does that mean im in agreement with what is natural, or what occurs naturally, like sin.
i should probably stop writing this blog and repent cause i have to admit i have been living in agreement to sin. my thoughts and attitudes have totally been wrong.
im pretty sure the whole point of this whole process of this year was to be putting to death my flesh. to put away sin nature and here i am feeding it.
i really feel like a sinner now.
but then, here comes the profound part.
i am still loved…in my coat of flesh, i am still loved.
that kind of blows my mind…like really You still love all of this after i have done all of that.
yes. He does.
the thing is, or the thing i am learning is, that sometimes i get to hard on myself. sometimes i think that i deserve being depressed.
truth is, Jesus died so i wouldn't have to be.
He died so i could be loved and be changed by it.
its really quite ridiculous and really scandalous.
the Father loves me….even where i am at.
i don't change to be love, i am changed by Love.
i am my own worst critic, and God is teaching me to stop putting myself down.
i guess as that truth takes shape in my heart, i have to realize its okay. okay to sometimes to come face to face with myself in the mirror and look past what i am and realize there is a somebody there.
somebody Loved
somebody Valued
somebody Created
somebody Called
and even in this coat of flesh, i am His.
