I've been dying a little bit each day…not in a depressing, emo esk type way. In a way that I am learning more and more that this next year can not happen within my own power. I've been trying to control situations with my planning, with my fear. I have been unsuccessful.
I know God has called me and set this trip aside in my life…but trusting Him has been one of the hardest things to do.
The reality that my own will must die for God to ressurect what I dream of is something that takes complete and absolute trust.
I have failed in trusting.
Why?
Doesn't His word clearly speak of provision and following through?
It does, where have I putting my mind and trust….
I can tell you with how I have been acting, it hasn't been God.
But as He reveals to me that I must die, I am realizing I cannot do this trip anymore.
I cannot raise the funds quickly.
I cannot prepare fast enough.
I cannot get myself mobolized by January….
that is by myself.
And this is where God steps in.
I will leave in January with the appropraite gear, with enough money to launch. Safely provided for and praising Him for His provision and faithfulnes!
I will not back down.
Because I know that I am dying inside, so that He may fully come to life in me!
To live is Christ, and die is gain!
God…I trust You.
