I woke up this morning after having the most wonderful dream and wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep. For the man of my dreams was just beyond closed eyes. I laid there for a moment and pondered this man and all his great qualities and the life that he lives. After all, he was the man of my dreams.
My heart began to ache as tears streamed down my face, I knew what God was about to say. I had to give him up. My heart needed to be set free, free from the hope that I’d placed in my dreams. He was a genuinely amazing guy, one that I could only hope to meet someday. But God has other plans for me that not only require me to be single through July of 2014, but that will also take me to the other side of the world. Plans that will take me farther away from the one that I dream of.
“Who do you desire more?” was the question in my head. I knew I had to choose between the man in my dreams whom I’ll probably never meet or the God who laid down His son’s life so I could be closer to Him each and every day of my life.
So I prayed for the man in my dreams. That God would bring him an amazing young woman to be the love of his life. Who will honor and cherish him and that together they will live a God honoring life.
As for me, I’m committed to God. From the Philippines to Uganda and back to Ukraine I’ll go. Wherever He leads me, that life I will live. God’s love never fails me and my heart will always be His. So I dried the tears in my eyes and thanked God that He knows just what He’s doing even when I have no clue. For, this “single” time should be only His and it would be cheating Him to split it between even two.
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Writing this blog was hard and even slightly embarrassing. Why? Because it is full of raw honesty, revealing a part of my heart I’d rather keep to myself. But I have shared it because I believe in one way or another we all can relate. Take a moment and think about your deepest and most secret desire, the dream that no one else knows about. It might not be a man in your dream, but we all have that unspoken desire that hasn’t come to pass yet.
Sometimes we come to crossroads with following these dreams and following God’s will. We have to make a choice, the choice to hold onto our desire or the choice to let go and trust God. What is the thing hanging in the balance between “Almost-Surrender”and “Total-Surrender” in your life?
This morning I was once again faced with this choice, knowing God was asking me to let go of this dream I had been holding onto, to follow Him to whatever He had for me no matter what the cost. And I made the choice to trust Him with my life, my heart, and my deepest-most secret desires. He knows me better than anyone else, the language of my heart, the beat my soul dances to. He knows what He has placed inside of me and I know He will fulfill them in greater ways than I can even imagine or dream of right now.
God is asking you the same question right now. Which do you desire more? Your dream or His dream for you? God only asks you to empty your hands so He can put something better in them. And God’s better is always His best. He has placed you in the season you’re in for a reason, a reason ringing with great purpose. What will you do with it?
I want to share one last thing with you to finish up this blog. These are vows I wrote this morning to seal my choice and commitment to God in my season of singleness. I hope they are as inspiring and challenging to you as they are to me.
“When I say I love you, I don’t want big houses or fancy cars,
I just want to be where you are and love through your heartWhen I say I love you, I’m not expecting to live happily ever after but I’m promising to remember you’ll always be by my sideWhen I say I love you, I’m committing to love you in sickness and in health, through all life’s trials and precious momentsWhen I say I love you, I’m promising to fall more in love with you each and every dayWhen I say I love you, I’m not just saying I’ll find time for you when I feel like it, but I’m vowing to spend time with you every day of my lifeWhen I say I love you, I’m not promising to be perfect, but that I’ll always strive to be my best for youWhen I say I love you, I’m not hoping to have a comfortable life, but to always find comfort in your armsWhen I say I love you, I’m promising to trust you forever and alwaysWhen I say I love you, I mean it with my whole heartGod, you’re all I’ve ever wanted, you’re all I’ll ever need, in you are all my hope and dreams, you’re the lover of my soul, the glory of my life, and without you I know I’d be nothing at all.So just know that when I say I love you, I love you!”
