Have you ever listened to the lyrics of songs? No, like really listened to them? I always find myself singing to songs without giving a second thought to what I’m actually singing. I understand that I typically sing about the story of the gospel but do I soak those words in and truly mean what I sing? Take these lyrics for example:
Jesus, Lord of my salvation, Savior of my soul.
Send me out to the world to make You known.
Jesus, King of every nation, this world’s only hope.
Send me out to the world to make you known.
Send me out to the world.
I wanna be Your hands & feet.
I wanna be Your voice every time I speak.
I wanna run to the ones in need, in the name of Jesus.
I wanna give my life away, all for Your kingdom’s sake.
Shine a light in the darkest place, in the name of Jesus.
In the name of Jesus.
During the past couple of summers I have worked as a camp counselor and every Sunday night (the night before campers arrive) the staff would gather for a Bible Study and praise songs. This song – Send Me Out by Fee – would be played several times throughout the summer and became my favorite song. One night our director had us partner up and pray with each other, for the week, and for the campers. That night, after we had sung this song, I was sitting with my prayer partner and he said that he had trouble singing the second part of the chorus because he didn’t know if he actually meant what he would be singing. This made me think – singing shouldn’t be automatic…we should mean what we sing! Singing is like a musical prayer. If one is not ready to be sent out into the world then why sing “send me out to the world”? If you’re not ready to give your life away for the Kingdom then step away from the singing and take time in prayer with the One who will always listen.
That experience with my friend happened two summers ago and has always been stuck in my head. It came up as a reminder this past summer and the situation has been on my heart ever since. This past summer there was a week that I really struggled. At camp we put an emphasis on our story and sharing it. For the last night of camp the girls and I in the cabin shared our stories with each other. Truth was spoken, secrets were shared, and many tears were shed. After those campers had left we had another camp for that weekend, but I struggled finding joy in anything. I had trouble singing praises to God when we just said bye to girls who have trouble believing in a God while still having pain and abuse in their life, and sent them back to broken homes. Running every morning was my alone time with God and time to talk with Him about everything going on that week. This specific weekend I dragged another counselor with me on one of my long runs and talked with him about the week. I told him everything that I was struggling with and in the end he said, “If our hearts are breaking this much for these campers just think how much God’s heart is breaking.” WOW! Everything came full circle. For so long I had been singing “break my heart for what breaks Yours” without even thinking about how that would feel. And let me tell you, it didn’t feel that great. But if my heart was breaking for my campers, that meant God’s was breaking even more for His children!! And even if felt like I couldn’t do anything more to help them I knew that God could do WAY more than I could ever imagine.
All those years of singing this phrase in Hillsong United’s song Hosanna and God finally broke my heart enough for me to feel the pain of His children. I’ve learned to listen carefully and think about the words before I sing them because God is always listening to us. When I come across lyrics that I struggle to sing I pull myself aside and spend time in prayer. It’s hard to own up to the fact that you’re not finding yourself having any passion for the words that you’re singing. This whole process has been showing me where my heart stands and what I need to be giving over to the Lord. For a while after that difficult week this past summer I had difficulty singing “break my heart for what breaks Yours”. I guess you could say I was afraid. I was scared of that pain and where it had taken me. FEAR…only four simple letters but a powerful word that can hinder us in our faith. Only recently have I been able to give that fear over to God and say that, through Him, I am ready for my heart to be broken and feel the pain for His children. During this next year and a half my heart is going to break and mend many times over. And when those campers have to go back home after a week of camp this summer or when we have to continue to say good-bye to people after a month, there is no need to be afraid because Godnever leaves them.
Peace in Christ,
Hannah
“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” – Deuteronomy 31:6
