Here’s the truth.
I am broken.
It might seem like I have it all together, but what you don’t see is the chaos that is happening inside.
I may appear happy and joyful, but what you don’t see is the self-doubt, and the “you’re not good enough’s”, the green monster of jealousy that ensues my mind, the pride and selfishness, and the lies I so often tend to believe.
We use social media as a platform to show our most beautiful selves because we are too scared of what will happen if we are real, raw, and honest.
But what if we were honest on social media? What if the pictures we posted were evidence of our brokenness? Would people still follow that calling to go on the WR if they saw pictures with tears of brokenness instead of racers skydiving in Nepal or hiking Mount Kilimanjaro?
I honestly don’t know the answer to those questions.
But what I do know is that society views brokenness as weakness.
But a few weeks ago, one of our leaders told us that it is okay to be where we are. It is okay to be broken.
Did you catch that?
It is OKAY to be broken.
Because I certainly didn’t hear it when she first told me.
God looks at our brokenness and sees beauty in our mess. We see a broken vase that is irreparable, where He sees the trail of flowers that it has left behind. When we allow ourselves to be broken, we are allowing Him to mend our hearts.
The world race is hard. And it sucks at times. Let’s all just be honest.
But what I am learning is that I can stand up and say that I don’t have it all together. And I can rest confidently that I am EXACTLY where God wants me.
Because in those moments of desperation where we feel too broken to be fixed, God is right there to pick up the flowers and mend the vase back together again. That broken mess we felt becomes a beautiful example of God’s redeeming love for us.
So, we can rejoice that we are broken and not always okay!
And in this particular month on my race, I can freely say that I am broken.
It sucks. It’s beautiful. It’s messy. And it’s perfect.
So when you look at my Instagram posts, know that they aren’t the whole story. God is working in huge ways here in Nepal and in my own life, but it’s not all glamorous. It’s hard. And I cry way more than I’d like to admit.
But that’s okay.
