I would be lying if I said there weren’t several days in Albania working on the pig farm turned summer camp that I thought, “why the heck am I here?” Could God not have had me serve him any other place than from the inside of a pig pen lime washing walls that no matter how many coats I put on I’m pretty sure will never be white again. Was there no other place I could find Him besides under the hot sun pulling weeds? I could probably serve Jesus a whole lot better in someplace that doesn’t have the shower head directly above the squatty potty, right? Certainly I could serve from a more joyful heart if I had a Starbucks in my hand and AC blowing in my face. This is where my mind would take me this month if I wasn’t careful.
But if I open my eyes a little wider, I am able to see something else. I see the hours upon hours I had to ask God questions and listen for answers. Hours I know I would have never carved out for myself at home. These moments pulling onions from the garden or picking dead leaves out of the plant beds are the moments The Lord gave me to wrestle with what he was trying to teach me. It is easy to accept something when it makes sense. That’s why before we get behind an idea, a person, or a cause, we want to know what they’re all about, what they stand for. It’s how I chose App State four years ago. I made sure I knew what they had to offer me before I accepted. They had the major I wanted, they had the beautiful mountains, it was the perfect distance from home. App was everything I was looking for in a university. It’s the same reason I’ll probably go from interview to interview when I am home looking for a job. I’ll be looking for the perfect fit, a job I could see myself at day after day.
So if this has been my mindset in life, it’s no surprise that the way I view God has in some ways been no different. I NEED a God who understands me, and who I can understand. I wanted Jesus to fit my mold. So, what I’ve done is painted my own picture of God, one that I can get behind. An ultra loving God that doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. A God that lives to bless his children through sunsets and puppies. And while I don’t necessarily think these things are wrong, The Lord has pointed out to me that I am missing something, my painting isn’t complete. I am missing entirely a part of God that I have for a long time purposely dismissed. It lies in the part of the Bible that I intentionally skimmed over because it didn’t make sense to me. It’s the image of God as a wrathful God, The Lord as a lion, a God who is disgusted and repulsed by sin.
I think in the back of my head, I didn’t want to accept these parts of God because I thought it would ruin the truths of Jesus that I cling onto so dearly. But what Jesus is showing me is that they’re not ruined, they’re actually enhanced. They are somehow made more precious. I must first know how much hate God has for sin to understand what it took for him to pay the price for it.
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him!” Romans 5:8-9
The attributes of God as the Lion and the Lamb are not contradicting, they’re complimentary.
“The voice of The Lord twists the oaks and strips the forest bare. And in his temple all cry, “Glory!” The Lord sits enthroned over the flood; The Lord is enthroned as King forever. The Lord gives strength to his people; The Lord blesses his people with peace.” Psalm 29:9-11 I have found so many verses like this one that show this perfect match up of God’s characteristics.
Part of this month I read through Job and it hit me, I really do serve a God that gives and takes away. And it terrified me. I can’t tell you how many times I was tempted to just flip a little farther to Psalms because I know about the God that loves me endlessly, but what about this God? What about the God that turns over mountains or treads on the waves of the sea? What about the God that has the authority to allow Satan to test Job?
“In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.” Job 12:10
This isn’t God scaring us into loving him, rather in awe we run to Him because we see that He is in control. So after all of this what is the reassuring part for me? God is reminding me that He is for me. He has grace and love for me as vast as the ocean. It’s reassuring to know the one who holds all the power and authority absolutely adores me. My brain can only even imagine the littlest bit of God, but it’s amazing to me that while I am called to fear The Lord, he is also the one that will hold me in the palm of his hand when I am afraid. It’s a beautiful pairing that out of fear and reverence for God comes assurance and security through Christ.
“Serve The Lord with fear and rejoice with trembling. Kiss the son, lest he be angry and you be destroyed in your way, for his wrath can flare up in a moment. Blessed are all who take refuge in him.” Psalm 2:11-12
“I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4:8
It’s a reality check for me. I’m asking myself “How different would my life look if I started living out of a place of reverence for God rather than giving God the least possible because I know he will love me no matter what?” How about waking up a little earlier to spend time with Jesus rather than getting a quiet time in while I’m driving to meet a friend for lunch. It’s the little things, the little disciplines that will shape the bigger ones, like a life of complete surrender to Christ. And no we don’t have to be perfect or put together to approach the throne, but why would I not approach Him with an absolute overflow instead of coming to Him with the last few drops?
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that The Lord is teaching me all of these things at the beginning of this journey because before so many things, comes the fear of The Lord. It’s a vital part of the Proverbs 31 woman, “charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears The Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30 It comes before wisdom, “the fear of The Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” Proverbs 9:10. It can even bring health to my body and nourishment to my bones. “Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear The Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.” Proverbs 3:7-8
I’m thankful for a God that reveals himself to me more everyday. I have so much more to learn about what it means to fear The Lord, but I feel like as this understanding grows, it will lead to a beautiful balance of respect, reverence, intimacy, and friendship with God.
