Have you ever thought you had a concept figured out just to realize later on that you actually had no clue?
Got something in mind? Hold that thought.
This month my team and I are in Lilongwe, Malawi, working with a local pastor doing church planting, door to door evangelism, as well as working with a few community programs and projects run through his home church. This is the first time I’ve been to Africa and I must admit, where we are working is exactly like what people describe it to be.
Barefoot children, tattered, dirty clothes, straw and mud huts, dirt roads
Water is scarce for most people and food is even scarcer
Big, beautiful smiles
Warm and welcoming people
And, one that I wasn’t expecting: Children literally run from us. If we’re not treated like celebrities because we’re white, we’re treated as martins. I’ve had multiple babies start to cry just from looking at me. But, I have had one baby let me hold her…so I consider that progress.
Compared to most of the people that we’re interacting with, our living conditions are that of royalty. For one, we’re in a brick house. We have a couch and chairs to sit on. We have running water and electricity most of the time. And our sleeping pads are much more comfortable than sleeping on just concrete. Our living conditions are considered pretty normal for that of a World Racer. We’re 5 months into the race and have lived in worse conditions than this, and yet, I found myself mourning my first couple days here. I was in a funk that I couldn’t shake. Most of the time I write out my prayers and the first night in Malawi I wrote “…I need to let go. Right now, I’m trying to cling to things that aren’t mine.” Those “things” I was referring to are in Ecuador.
Ecuador was amazing. Our ministry, our location and our living arrangements were all wonderful. My favorite part of that month was the community I was surrounded with. Most of our squad worked with an organization called IncaLink, so they housed us, fed us and their interns hung out with us. A massive house, comfortable beds, tons of couches, a fireplace, wifi, a bus terminal 5 minutes walking distance away that could take anywhere in Quito that we wanted to go, fresh food prepared for us 3 times a day and, my personal favorite, a corner shop 2 minutes walking distance away that sold croissants for 17 cents. We hung out in a restaurant owned by an American guy on Sunday afternoons to watch football games. We baked and ate our body weight in cookies because it was Christmas and that’s what you do during Christmas. We even had a Christmas tree! Some days I would look around and think, “I never thought the race could be this comfortable.”
None of those things are bad. They’re good, and I think God just wanted to spoil us a little. I also can’t complain about our living situation right now. It really isn’t bad. But here’s where I get back to the question I asked at the beginning of this post…have you ever thought you had a concept nailed down in your life just to realize later on that you really, really didn’t have it nailed down at all?
You see, for the past 5 months, I thought I had this concept of “only God can satisfy” down pat. I think most of our sin struggles come as a result of looking for our happiness and satisfaction in things that aren’t God. In the past for me, it was men. Relationships. Affection. Attention. Because that’s something I don’t struggle with much anymore, I thought I was good. I was living under the misguiding illusion that God was, indeed, my satisfaction. He was my all in all. I believed that until I got to Africa.
All of those comforts of Ecuador, all of those good things, had been turned into a necessity for me. I put them in the category of “I need __________ to be content.” It became God + this bed, God + coffee by the fireplace, God + watching a movie with my friends, God + wifi. Wrong. So wrong.
This month, I’m learning that you can’t really rely on anything but God when you get home from ministry at 7:45 at night, there’s no power, no water, dinner isn’t ready yet and you’re worn out, dirty, and cranky. If I’m relying on a good night’s sleep to be happy, I’m going to be pissed off most days. If the food I’m eating is what ultimately satisfies me, it’s going to be a long month. If I’m looking to anything but God, I’m going to be miserable this month. So cheers to long ministry days, sharing the Gospel, and accidently making babies cry. Cheers to fully looking to God as my true source of satisfaction.
