Many moons ago when the Lord told me I would be going on the World Race, I knew that my life would begin to change in many ways. This last week has opened my eyes to the fact that I really am leaving for 11 months. My heart is heavy with sadness, gratitude, and expectancy. Sadness for what I’m leaving behind, gratitude for the season I have had with the amazing people I call my friends, and expectant for the adventure the Lord has planned for me.
Last Friday was such a sad day. Little Lybbi and I said our see ya laters. 7 months ago when I started nannying for the Cotters, I never knew how deeply I would fall in love with Lybbi ShuFang. She became my best friend. It sounds so silly to say that a 2 and a half year old could be my best friend, but she truly was. We spent most of our time together. Laughing, playing, singing, dancing. Singing to her ways always my favorite, most of the songs were made up on the spot. The little grin she would give me while I sang to her pulled on my heart strings. Sometimes she would roll her eyes at me if I got a little carried away. (Oh yes, miss Lybbi has some sass, cute sass, but sass nonetheless.) Lybbi is so filled with the joy of the Lord. There were days after I got accepted on the Race that all I could do was cry. Little Lybbi would always look and me and give me her biggest smile. I know that while I’m gone, when I cry, I won’t have her cute little face to cheer me up. I know that all those snuggles are no longer mine. I know that I won’t get to hear her sweet little voice say Nana every day. And while I have pictures and videos galore it won’t be the same. I already miss her so much. And how do you explain to a little girl why her Nana left. I pray that with each passing day her tiny heart will miss me less and less. I pray that her life is so filled with joy and laughter and singing and playing and growing.
Saying goodbye to her also meant that I would spend less time with her mama. Miss Molly somehow snuck her way deep into my heart as well. We were blessed to get to spend last weekend together at women’s retreat. Molly, I love you. Too much. And I am so proud of you. I thank the Lord for the time we had together. Thank you for accepting me like one of your own.
Sometimes it just hurts to love so deeply.
Last Tuesday was my last night at “The Woman House.” The place that I have called my home away from home for over a year now. The home that reminds me of my days as a caregiver, the home that I spent a rough season of figuring life out after tearing my ACL, the home that opened doors to deep friendships. The home that Jessica and I shared many nights up late giggling together over silly things.
Yesterday my sister got married. She’s moving to Alaska with her husband. She too has become my best friend. I will miss her like crazy, but know that this next season is about her and her husband. It’s safe to say that right now I kind of feel like there are a lot of holes in my heart. Spending this week with my family reminded me of just how much I love and adore them. And I will have to say my see ya laters to them in just a few short months.
And after the crazy few weeks I have had, when I finally had a moment to breathe I realized what this week really meant. A season of life that has been so rich and blessed and life changing is coming to an end. Please hear me when I say that I am so excited to go on The World Race and abandon all these things for the Lord. But I AM SO SAD. The person I was before I moved to Salem is not the person I am today. I thank God for moving me to Salem and allowing me to be blessed by so many wonderful friends. I am so grateful for this season of being refined, renewed, and restored. I have two months of driving back and forth between Silver Lake, Salem, and Bend in order to spend time with all the people I care about so deeply. It’s going to be a busy season filled with so many goodbyes and a whole lot of heartache.
And that’s ok, because my Heavenly Father knows. And cares. And loves me. And never leaves me. He is preparing me for the next season of my life. He is showing me just how truly blessed I am. And it’s ok for me to be sad. It took me awhile to figure that out. So if you hug me and I start crying, just let me cry. Sometimes tears are the best way for me to tell you that I love you. And if I don’t cry, that doesn’t mean I don’t love you, it just means I’m having a really good day.
Transitions are hard but so worth it when they are for the Lord. Please pray that the next two months are filled with laughter, love, friendship, and Jesus.
