There’s this word that shoots fear through my soul. A word that sends my life into chaos. That makes me lose my identity when it grips my heart and makes me feel so lost that I feel I will never return.
Pride.
It’s a tiny word that has so much power in my life.
Last night the Lord gave me an imagine. An imagine that describes so perfectly what I have been doing to myself throughout my life. A cycle that I have allowed to consume me.
Standing in a dark room holding a baseball bat in my hand I see words. Words that describe who I am. Words that are true about me. Good words.
The words are mirrors. When I look at them, I see me. But then fear begins to grip my heart. Fear that those truths will make me prideful. I begin swinging the bat. Smashing the words. Smashing the truths. And when I’m done, I’m left standing in the darkness. A bat in one hand, shame in the other. Every good thing about me is lying on the floor. Broken. Shattered.
I try to put the pieces back together. Scrambling around on the floor. Crawling in desperation to find something to hold on to. But every time I put the words back together I smash them with the bat out of fear. AGAIN. AND AGAIN. I can’t allow myself to think good things about myself because I HATE PRIDE. I’m afraid of thinking of myself as anything special.
As I sit in desperation, Jesus walks in. He kneels down beside me and lifts my face and says, “My daughter, you are special. I gave my life for YOU. I left my throne, became a man, and suffered on the cross. Not because I want you to feel ashamed of who you are, but because I love YOU. I love YOU, Hannah.”
“I am righteous, I am pure, I am holy, I am beautiful, I am beloved, I am wanted, I am worthy. You see, my child, you are all these things. Not because of anything you have done, but because I live inside of you. I created you. I created you to show others my joy, I created you to be a good nanny, I created you to be the sister that you are, I knit you together in your mothers womb knowing exactly who you would become. Don’t you see? You are the work of my Hands. Those words, those good words, they are true about you because of me.”
“My dear girl, speak these truths over your life everyday. Look in the mirror and see the good work that I have begun in you. I have promised to complete that work. And I will love you for infinity times infinity. You can’t change that. Nothing you do will make me love you any less. Take my yoke upon your shoulders. And carry my burden. For my yoke is easy and my burden in light. I all ready buried your sin in the grave. Now live like it.”
Guys, we serve a beautiful Savior. And though Jesus reminded me of these truths, I have to be intentional about remembering them. It’s not easy and today I can’t say that I have embraced myself as the Lord sees me. It is going to take captivating my every thought and filtering them through the Hands of the Lord.
Will you join me in prayer as I prepare my heart for the World Race? Will you be praying that the Lord will show me my identity in Him so I can go into the world and teach others who they are in Him? That the Lord will set His captives free from the identity the world has given them?
And if you feel led to partner with me financially you can click the Support Me tab and join me in this incredible journey.
Thanks a million and a half! May the Lord show you who you are in Him as well!
