Honestly, this blog is a little hard for me to write because I don’t want it to be misunderstood. So to preface it, please know I believe these spiritual gifts are real, but sometimes Christians can misconstrue them. This is also my personal belief and me personally wrestling with it.
Though a lot of the Christian environments I’ve been in have not really talked about the Holy Spirit, I have been raised in a family that believes in Him.
I believe H.S. comes to us when we are baptized. I believe we can do great things because He is in us. I believe He gives us words when we are reaching out to people and we don’t know what else to say. I believe He nudges our hearts when we need to do something and puts fire in our hearts when we argue about NOT doing that thing. I believe He is our Helper, our Interceder. I believe He is living and active. These are things I have found in the Bible.
I also believe that the things in the New Testament like healing, prophecy, and speaking in tongues can happen. I am wrestling with what they look like practically, I’m wrestling with what the Bible says about these things, and also I’m wrestling with what flawed humans say about those things. But I know they are real.
The past couple weeks especially I have been wrestling with it as some squad mates have gotten some of these gifts. I am so thankful that they are getting them and experiencing things they haven’t before and growing closer to God.
But it’s also been difficult for me because without realizing it, it made me question “Are my gifts enough?” And though I have “simple gifts,” I have had the blessing, especially the past 6 years, to discover what my gifts are.
I am a leader. I have a servant-heart. I have mercy. I am a prophet (meaning I see things in black and white, and I call out things that need to be called out–but I’m somewhat balanced by mercy). I am administrator, communicator, and planner. I am a perceiver. I’m a shepherdess. I’m an encourager.
I don’t have any of the “big” gifts. I questioned if I needed to ask for them or if I was enough with how God made me. As I was wrestling with this, 1 Corinthians came to my mind. So now chapters 12-14 are underlined like crazy in my Bible.
One passage that brought so much peace was chapter 12:4-7, 11.
“Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit, and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord, and there are varieties of activities, but the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit who apportions to each one individually as he wills.”
My gifts, though they aren’t “showy,” is what Holy Spirit gave to me to build up the church. I’m content with that.
Also, about a year or two ago my dad was teaching on the Holy Spirit at the young adult retreat we run together at my camp. One of the things he emphasized was how chapter 13 is ALL ABOUT LOVE! Though it is often used in weddings, in context, Paul is actually telling the Corinthians that love is more important than any of the gifts and how they need to love each other instead of having disunity.
One of my favorite passages is chapter 13: 8-10, 13.
“Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three, but the greatest of these is love.”
At the end of the day, some may not always have one of the “flashier,” but still good gifts. The way I understand this is when heaven comes, we may not need prophesy, etc. But we need love. Love never ends.
So this is something I have wrestled with and meditated on throughout the past couple weeks.
Then this Sunday we went to a church as a team. The worship was so good and felt good to pour out my soul to God in worship.
One of the songs we sang was “In the River” (by Jesus Culture) and it talks about being in the river surrounded by God and then having a well spring up. It’s a beautiful song.
Then the church started talking about being baptized in the Holy Spirit (which is another thing I am still wrestling with). How everyone can speak in tongues. They asked those who couldn’t to raise their hand.
Now for me, I did not get a single sense that it was ingenuine.
But I’ll be honest. It made me tear up. It made me feel like if I didn’t speak in tongues or want to, I didn’t love God. I know this is not what they meant, but it’s how it made me feel.
I cried out to God, “You know I love you! You know that I do! I wouldn’t be here on the Race if I didn’t. If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t keep walking with you. I don’t want my well spring to be speaking in tongues. I WANT BOLDNESS, LOVE, FAITH! I want to know so fully that I am loved by you that it overflows to others.” I kept repeating that to God.
I feel like God used that as a confirmation for me. For who I am. And for what He wants me to pursue.
Something my dad always tells me and tells my friends is to come up with a mission statement for life. And to not waver from it, even if the everyone else doesn’t agree or understand.
So this is my mission statement for the Race and maybe even for my life.
“I want to know so fully how much I am loved by You, that it overflows in love, faith, and boldness for me to out-pour to others.”
And yeah, maybe in 5 months or who knows when maybe God will give me another gift, but all I want right now is to know His love deeply so then I can tell others how much they are deeply loved.
Because it says “So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three, but the greatest of these is love.”
And in 1 John 4:7-8
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.”
As believers, we need to strive to love our fellow believers and for those who still don’t know God’s love.
Because if we don’t love, can we really be called believers?
Because “They know we are Christians by our love, by our love.”
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