God met me on a roof in India one night.
The first night that we were in Bangalore with ministry coming the next day, I got sick.
That whole night and morning I had a nasty stomach bug. The rest of the day I slept and the next day I went to the hospital to make sure I was fine, even though I was mostly better.
The problem was I missed two days of ministry. I felt out of the loop. I didn’t know what my place on the team was.
It was when I was down that Satan started to stream lies for me to believe. I shared in a previous post how normally when I go without sleep for a long period of time, I really struggle with self-esteem and depression. Then, at training camp I was able to beat that by taking every thought captive. It was a great victory for me! But with me getting sick, being out of it, and not having energy, Satan was able to feed me lies. I got stuck in my own head–which is a bad habit I have.
Thankfully, we had a squad leader with my team at that time that I went to and I felt a lot better after talking to her.
But the next week I still felt off. I was definitely struggling with some spiritual warfare. I didn’t feel like myself–like I was a shadow of myself. I felt somewhat trapped–I couldn’t break the wall and be really me. I also still had lies being fired at me and though I was able to do a lot better at pushing them away, it was still difficult and I still struggled.
So one night, I decided to go talk to God about it.
I walked up our two flight of stairs to our Indian rooftop that overlooks our neighborhood. It was about 10 pm so it was dark, but the clouds were lit up in dark pink from all the city lights. There was a cool breeze and I was wearing a jacket–partly because it was cool and partly because I didn’t want to get bitten by mosquitos. I had one earbud in my ear as I played some Christian music.
I layed my heart before God. I asked God why I was feeling the way I was. I asked God why Satan was hitting me so hard. I begged God to free me from the lies and the feeling of not being myself.
I was up there for a a long time. And I began to feel more peace.
I asked other questions that I knew wouldn’t be answered that night, but it still felt good to ask. He also reminded me of some of the ways He made me–some of what makes up my core. The same things I value about myself (in a non-arrogant way) were the ways He made me and also values….
It was a beautiful moment that I will always treasure.
I will say, I don’t think that moment would have happened if I was surrounded by technology and distractions. The only person I felt that I could go to in that moment was God–and He, the God of the Universe, met me on a rooftop in India.
Where will He meet you, if you let Him?
