“Because you understand.”
These are the words of reassurance my Father whispered into my heart when I was drowning in a sea of insecurities this week. After the news of getting accepted into the gap year program, there was a lot of excitement. I was overjoyed and so excited to embark on this new journey. I spent hours on my computer, researching each country, looking over my packing list, and thoroughly stalking my new teammates ( don’t judge me). But then one morning, while getting ready for the day, I got a call from an old friend I use to party with that I hadn’t talk to or seen in quite a while. The conversation was the typical “Hey whats up. Im fine. What’v you been up to?” and when she asked me about what I had planned for this next year, I told her about how I would be participating in the Gap Year program. I explained what it was and how excited I was about it and went on and on and on, forgetting my audience. “Your doing what? haha wow They’ve brainwashed you! Just kidding ,just kidding!.But wow you’ve really changed girl. But I mean thats cool! Honestly like…good for you.” And a wave a insecurity crashed over me. It wasn’t so long ago that I was her. A year ago I would have laughed at the thought of spending nine months away from my friends and “civilization”.
“You’ve really changed.”
The sentence played over and over again in my mind like a bad record. You see, I KNOW that I have changed. I am a completely different person than who I use to be, and by God’s good grace only, have I been able to turn my life around. But this wave of insecurity hit me like a ton of bricks and I began to doubt, and I started to question God. “Am I ready for this? Are you sure you want ME? God, I have made every mistake in the book. I was broken for so long. And don’t get me wrong, I am SO happy now, and I know that you have mended all my brokenness,and I know that you have forgiven me for my laundry list of sins.And I know that you have been and continue to work in my heart God and I am SO grateful for that. And God I deeply desire to serve and honor you… but I am so unworthy.” And as I sat in my room….overwhelmed with insecurity and doubt.. my father whispered sweetly into my heart:
“ It is because you understand what its like to be broken, that I have chosen you to do this.”
And all my fears are calmed.
You see, satan will always try and use our pasts against us. He feeds us lies to plant seeds of insecurity to keep us too scared from going out with boldness to proclaim the good news. Its true; I have made many mistakes. But even though it’s hard for me sometimes to forgive myself for my past, I know that God already has. He has given me a clean slate. And what satan uses for evil, God always uses for good.
Because I understand brokenness, God calls me to reach out to the broken.
I will never be able to relate to a lot of the things that people I will meet during this trip go through. I’ve never been homeless. I’ve never had to understand the true meaning of hunger. But I do understand the yearning to feel loved. I understand insecurity. I understand depression, and anxiety, and anger, and hurt. And because I have experienced those things, I am able to relate to those who are experiencing them now.And although it was hard at the time; I am grateful now for the afflictions of my past, if for nothing else then this opportunity to be able to relate on a deeper level with those who are hurting.
I am forever amazed at the beauty of God’s plans, and the way that He works. How He took all the broken pieces of my life, put them together, and made something that He will use for His glory. How he can take ashes and turn them into something beautiful. My Father is good, and He is the ultimate healer of hearts, and I can’t wait to go forth with confidence and share that with the world.
“….because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God,to comfort all who mourn,and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,the oil of joy instead of mourning,and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.” ~ Isaiah 61:1-3~
You can donate by clicking on the “Support Me!” tab on the left hand side of the page. Also be sure to check out my blog regularly at hannahesposito.theworldrace.org to keep up and read about all the things God will be doing leading up to, and during the race! Be sure to contact me anytime by phone at (505)681-1468 or by email [email protected] if you have any questions for me about my trip. I’d love to talk to you!
Here are my payment deadlines :
$6,000-May 8th
$9,000-June 19th
$12,500-August 21st
