Blogs…Blogs are hard, especially when you don’t feel inspired. You would think that traveling around the world, seeing different ways that God is moving and being labeled as a missionary would give someone constant inspiration.
Well, it doesn’t.
The last month was hard in a lot of ways.
I had trouble connecting with the ministry.
I got homesick.
I started comparing myself to other people on the squad.
I didn’t feel like my times with the Lord were fruitful.
I felt like He was silent.
I was constantly distracted
I was emotionally drained.
I was spiritually drained.
I was socially drained.
DRAINED
Why?
I was in Thailand. I had the opportunity to be part of a ministry that provided an incredible service to the community. I was able to find rest in creativity, and the people I am close to on our squad. I heard from the Lord this month, and he planted a lot of new things, and watered things he had already planted, even if I didn’t feel like it.
But when I look back at my month in Thailand all I want to see is the hardship. The pain and confusion that comes with trying to convince women to leave the bars; The frustration at my team at our inability to function like we had in Cambodia; The dryness of my time spent listening to God and reading his word.
When I look back, the darkness was there; it attacked and weighed on us all differently. It asked us each to fight. It brought up its meaty fists and jabbed at us. Before we even realized, we had black eyes and broken noses. As our eyes opened to the beast that was coming for us we put helmets over our swollen faces, protected our weaknesses with an army and picked up the heavy sword HE handed to us. He guided our hands, we learned to wield the heavy blade, and we had small victories.
For me, He taught me to rely on the fact that he is good.
He taught me that a single friendship can bring lift in unexplainable ways.
He taught me I am built for deep and powerful friendships that show people they are loved.
He taught me to use my gifts to serve and bring joy without tying them directly to my worth.
He taught me to listen and to have a conversation with him.
He taught me to prioritize my community in a way that I hadn’t.
The war that is raging is not often recognized as an influential part of our walks. As we grow in intimacy, the more the enemy is going to throw punches our direction.
God knows the lessons we will learn and the growth we will have when we face the enemy head on. He has the power to shield us, but what would come of being soft and weak like infants? He desires warriors. People who he has adopted into his family and are willing to fight and take back territory for the kingdom. If we live like this, in the uncomfortable space where we willingly let God hold the reigns, he will use our life for his glory. What we do with our focus on the cross will turn other’s eyes to the cross and the sacrifice that Christ took for us. The more people see glimpses of the true light through the shroud of darkness, the more the enemy weakens and is outnumbered.
So when you feel as though hope is lost, everything is in shambles, and there is no way God could be moving in what is happening…keep pushing. Dwell on the facts and the promises we know to be true. What we can do is turn to the living and active word and use it to remind, assure, and fight.
One of my squad mates asked me to write a song with her this month. It’s all about recognizing the darkness and standing for the fight that is being waged in our world. But wielding HIS truth brings freedom; especially in a fight that is already won.
FIGHT
Verse 1: Veiled hearts held captive
Self-made strength replaced by shame
Imprisoned by the endless circle
Of their chains
Verse 2: They believe he’s absent
Tightly bound by hopeless liars
They are lost to what their light could be
Face turned down
Verse 3: It feeds us empty lies
It deceives the righteous child
Feel its presence and coercion
He brings courage
Verse 4: He makes us conquerors
He moves the ground we walk on
His light cracks the darkness we step through
& All are freed
Chorus: It destroys hope
But he lifts us up
Preparing our fight
That’s insured to be won
He takes the chains
It’s so tightly secured
And casts it away
To the foot of his cross
Bridge: Pick up his sword
Stand for the fight
Darkness is here
And we’ve brought the light
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