On Wednesday we began launch. Tomorrow we leave for Malaysia.
Where do I even begin? I’m unsure of how to express the way I am feeling.
In 24 hours from this exact moment, I will be boarding a plane.
In just 24 hours, I leave America for 11 months.
There's a feeling rising up in me… and I can find no other way to describe it but this:
It’s a beautiful mess of emotion.
Here are a few things I have realized in the past few days:
–I can’t seem to land on an emotion. They are all flooding my being in various intensities.
–I am unsure of what is ahead of me. I really have no clue. I can’t muster up any solid mental image or expectation. The unknown can haunt us like nothing else. The enemy fights to take hold of the unknown and twist it for his own devices. But I wouldn’t have this experience any other way. I love this place. In the unknown I can finally give God absolutely everything. I lean on Him, I turn to Him… holding nothing back. My God is in control. He has gone before me. Each step I take, he mapped out. And this feeling, this knowledge, that absolutely nothing ahead was planned by me… that I had and have no control, it’s amazing. It’s freeing. It is like a breathe of fresh air. It is everything I’ve longed for. My holy, faithful, loving Father has the reins. He is giving me stepping stones along the way. His map is the only one I desire to follow. Wherever it may lead, I will go.
–I love to worship. I mean, I’ve always loved musical worship, but I am seeing worship in a whole new way. Worship is not just something you do… worship is a mindset, it is a position of your heart. I’ve found myself in a spirit of worship while playing my guitar, while journaling, while walking down a busy highway, while laying in bed and processing the day, while talking and laughing with my teammates, even while writing this blog post. Our God is so good to us. He has blessed us with so much. I am learning to look for Him in the small things of my day.. and it’s a truly beautiful thing when I find Him in places that would normally be overlooked.
–It is time to step up. No more shying away from things that are a little scary. With boldness, I will will step up.. I will step out.
–I am so blessed by the people God has surrounded me with. They speak life into me. I only hope I can do the same for them. Though I am so nervous about the ways I will have to step out of my comfort zone, I feel confident that God has given me the exact people that I need to give me an encouraging word when I feel that I just can’t do it. Honestly, I am finding that it is difficult for me to feel safe with people. It takes quite a bit of time for me to be in a place of absolute transparency among a group of people. The enemy tries to speak lies to me… to tell me that they will not accept who I am, that I shouldn’t open up because I will lose them as I have lost people in the past, or that in sharing my past with them our relationship will forever be tainted. But I believe God has placed these people on my life and then enemy has NO place in our relationships. He has no place in our team. We are led and covered by a victorious God, by a graceful God. He has cleansed me. My past is covered by the blood of Christ. He has freed me from shame. I have no reason to fear rejection because no matter what, I am eternally accepted, loved and pursued by an all powerful, all consuming God. Ah, amen. Thank you, Father.
–This is just the beginning.. I can’t wait to see what else He has for me.
Please cover I, J, K, and L squads as we leave the country.
Prayers for safety and peace. I hear it’s pretty hard to get on that plane.
I just ask that you cover all of us in an extra amount of prayer for the next 36 hours of traveling and beginning our first ministries
I love you all, thank you so much for all of your support.. without you I wouldn’t be here.
