The last week in Ireland, the Lord was really working on my heart. I have a wonderful Dad, so I realized just the other day that I have no problem picturing God as a Father. I love my Dad and know how much I need him. On the flip side, I am very independent and constantly say how I don't need to be attached to a guy for any kind of fulfillment. I'm basically lovin' life on my own. Because of this, I have a very hard time seeing God as a lover. This is what God is growing in me.
It all began when I witnessed a very raw interaction between a woman leading worship and God. It was one of the most touching things I had ever witnessed; I felt like I was intruding on a private conversation, but couldn't make myself leave. The entire week God was growing in me the desire to be intimate with Him. I spent a lot of the week preparing for my sermon on Sunday, which didn't come as naturally as normal. God used this preparation time as a huge growing time for our intimacy!
At the end of the week on Saturday, we went to Shop Street for some ATL's (I don't know what it stands for. I like to call them Atlanta's. Basically you pray and ask God to reveal a color, name, place, and see what turns up). I was SO pumped because I was ready to see God show up in BIG ways. Long story short, He didn't. I didn't have a crazy, appointed experience…that I could tell. By the time we left Shop Street I was pissed – and that's putting it lightly. I felt completely abandoned by God; you know how people say, "If you just reach out to God, his hand's already there to take yours"? Well, I did not feel God's hand there grabbing mine. I felt alone. All I wanted to do was get home so we could have a knock-down-drag-out fight, but we had obligations to fulfill before then.
Once I got home, I walked up and down the backyard trying to see what was up with God that day. After awhile I felt God was saying that He had been present, but I was "expecting" it to look and feel a certain way (a line I had specifically stressed in my sermon!). It wasn't about having a BIG experience, it was about being obedient to God and looking at the world through kingdom eyes. All of a sudden, I get a picture of a mouth with the word SURRENDER over it. Lydia had prophesied this over me 2 weeks earlier, but I threw it out because I didn't like it nor did I know how it applied. Immediately I knew I was to surrender the words in my sermon; it wasn't going to be about my words. Obviously I was NOT happy about this! But oh would it hold true!
If you know me very well then you know I don't like to speak in front of people. Well here came Sunday morning and you better believe it, I got up there with my outline and all my notes. I started in as I normally would and fumbled on for a few minutes. Then, as luck – or God – would have it, all my notes started falling to the floor. In that moment I announced to everyone I would be leaving my notes behind. I don't really remember what I said after that and it wasn't what I had prepared, but I'm pretty certain it was exactly what the Holy Spirit had in mind for that morning.
Goodness, that was an exhausting week! I learned that week: God isn't so much concerned with our words or experiences, but with our obedience and reliance on Him. When we do this, our intimacy with Him grows drastically! I know it did for me!!
These are a few of our Discovery friends we love so much!
The Lovely Feeney Family! They are a blast!
The Burke Family!! We love these people!!!
Our lovely, brilliant, great ministry contacts, the Cullen Family! The sun was in all of our eyes, even Wendy's – the dog!
