Well… it finally happened.
The date of the first big life event I will miss on the World Race has been set. I wasn’t really ready for it; after all, I’ve been researching and applying and fundraising at arms length. It has all seemed so far off, so “in the future,” so NEXT YEAR.
Until it didn’t.
I was naive enough to hope that life at home would just hit pause while I’m gone & hearing that the wedding date was set for November was hard. I’ve become an expert at compartmentalizing my life between HOME and WORLD RACE. Careful to place each task or event into it’s appropriate place.
Work was HOME.
Fundraising was WORLD RACE.
Doctor appointments & bills & taxes & day to day things were HOME.
Mission work was WORLD RACE.
Weddings & holidays & big life events were HOME… right? Well, I guess those happen while I’m gone too, huh?
Ouch.
If I’m being honest, hearing that wedding date instantly put my World Race on a scale. Wedding and home and friends and familiarity were on one side, while World Race and surrender and foreign and insecurity sat on the other.
My faith in God’s plan for my life hung somewhere in the balance.
I’d love to say I quickly pulled it together and laughed at the silly concept of ditching the World Race for a wedding, but it wasn’t that easy. It wasn’t just about a wedding, of course; that event was just a tangible example of surrender. I’ve been praying and telling God that I am completely & wholly surrendered to His will, wherever it takes me, whatever the cost.
But quite honestly- He hadn’t asked me to surrender anything yet.
My whole commitment to not just the World Race, but following God’s plan for my life, became very real in the amount of time it took for a wedding date to be set. How could a party on a night in November be enough to have me unpacking my bags? I felt like such a fool. Here I had been talking about sacrifice yet, I had no REAL, tangible experience to base this commitment on. I quickly realized I signed up for something with NO idea of just how much it would cost me.
I spent some serious time in prayer over this, and I mean P.R.A.Y.I.N.G. like my life depended on it. Because it did. The choice between wedding or World Race, surrender or security… Would ultimately decide the course of not only the next year of my life, but the entirety of it. That decision wielded enough power to either let comfort be the driving force of my life, or to let sacrifice make enough room for God to show me what a life walked with Him looked like.
Knowing what it would now cost, recommitting to the Race was harder when it required more than just my will to go… because it would take everything that came along with God’s will too. Sacrifices & all.
There will be more weddings while I’m gone. There will be engagements, new homes, new babies, new jobs and a few really fun parties. There will be graduations, lots of birthdays, a Thanksgiving, a Christmas and an Easter. I’ll miss exactly 4 seasons of bible study with my girlfriends, 48 weekend services at church, a handful of new movies, a fair share of wine nights and {GASP} 2 seasons of bachelor nights with my best friend.
I’m going to miss a lot.
& it’s going to suck.
When I pile those things on the scale and wonder where my life is even heading anymore, I start to feel hopeless at the sheer weight of it all. But that’s when Jesus places blessings and courage and a heart for the people of this broken world on the other side. His word promises to make our paths straight if we choose Him, and I start to feel lighter, hopeful & even excited at the sacrifice of it all.
So I’m missing the wedding. I’m choosing to trust that what God is asking me to leave behind here, is going to create exactly the right space in my heart for what He has set aside for me there. Is this a guarantee? No way, a life of surrender & adventure was never meant to be easy & it doesn’t come with a money back guarantee.
But I’ll tell ya what, I’d rather be at risk with God than secure without Him.
And maybe, just maybe, when we choose risk & surrender, God can make a little bit of sacrifice feel like a whole lot of faith.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV)
