Dying to Live

I once watched a documentary on a woman with a tumor that weighed as much as she did. This is a gross visual, but go with it. This tumor was so big it was actually crushing her, so it had to be removed. There was great risk in the surgery, but the woman knew that it had to be done. Do you think that she was protesting when the doctors decided to operate? 

“No, please leave the tumor! It’s a part of me. It’s just how I am.”

No way! This tumor was sucking the life out of her in order to feed itself and if she left it unchecked, she would die. She saw this thing for what it was and she was more than ready to bid it adieu. 

One might ask, “How do you allow a situation like this to get so out of hand? How does it get that bad?” 

The person in the show didn’t go in when it was a small problem because she thought it was nothing. Then as it continued to worsen, and she could no longer brush it off, a sense of shame kept her from going in. The bigger it got, the more embarrassing it became to do anything about it. 

It’s so easy to look at this physical situation and see the obvious answer. “I would never let it get that bad.” 

On the World Race, each team ends the day with a little something called “feedback”. In short, this is a time to process the day: the good, the bad, and the ugly. The first few times it was SO unnatural. At home, amongst the comfort of family and friends and people that understand you, a lot of things fly under the radar. We begin to accept attitudes and actions that are not becoming of sons and daughters of God as “the way we are”. 

But when you’re placed in community with five other people coming from very different backgrounds and norms, these things quickly come to light. We like to refer to them as our “dark corners”. These sins are the toughies. The ugly ship sinkers that look so innocent on the surface. The first time I got feedback’d, my knee jerk reaction was to defend myself. To explain myself and to fight to be understood. But as I observed the “sit on it for 24 hours” rule and really spent time reflecting on what my teammates were saying, I realized that they were right! Difference of perception or not, these attitudes did not reflect Christ in me. 

So once I identified the tumor, you think I’d be ready to cut it out. But there was this strange connection to these things. Thoughts like, “who will I be without this?” and “what will people at home think?” made me hold on to my tumor. 

This constructive feedback from my team as well as things God has been showing me about my heart require some surgery. I have two options. I can say, “No God! Please, it’s part of me! I don’t know who I am without carrying this thing around.” Or I can realize that while there is cutting taking place, it is a removal of this “body of death”. It is freedom from bondage. It is healing, not inflicting pain. 

The life that Christ has called his followers to is one of great risk. You risk losing the American Dream and what success looks like to the world. You risk your own comfort. You risk losing things that you have allowed to identify you in the past. 

Aside from buried sins and dark corners, we also allow our plans and goals get in the way of consenting to this surgery. “God, you told us to go into all the world, but that doesn’t really fit with my plan of being a Special Ed teacher and buying a macbook and being the coolest aunt in the world.” 

All noble aspirations, but they get in the way. When we focus on our goals, we miss out on His. Even blessings from God can be distractions when we hold on to them too tightly.

 So I have no idea where I’ll be nine months from now. And while this surgery hurts, and it’s risky, it’s so WORTH IT. God is continually cutting away this thing. It hurts as I see little pieces being removed. The enemy would have us believe that we will lose our identity as we lose the tumor.

 But Jesus said it this way, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it.” (Mark 9:34-35) 

This blog isn’t just  for me. It’s not just about my life. I pray that every single person who reads this becomes aware of the unnecessary weight they’ve been carrying around. No matter where you are in life, God has BIG plans to be worked through you. The man who spoke the night God wooed my heart to missions was 50 years old before God called him to begin his work! It’s not too late or too early. Lose your life so you can really find it. Don’t let shame or indifference keep you from going to the Healer. 

“Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.” (Romans 12:3)

Then watch and be amazed by the freedom and joy that flood this new life you find. We were made for His service and only when we’re fully immersed in it, do we find true happiness and unshakable purpose.