This is my first blog and I'm not quite sure how to format this or really anything except write what's on my heart. So… Here we go!
Lately my heart hasn't been in the place it needs to be in preparing for the World Race. This has lead to me failing to get my support letters out, failing to blog, failing to get in the Word, and failing to keep my focus on the race. Last night (2/20/13) I was laying in bed just think, think about what it is i'm doing here on Earth, why i'm doing the race and all these "why's" to questions I've already found the answers to in Christ. My spirit had began to fall into a depression like state because of all the worldly things I had been focusing on. I spent my night just resting in the spirit of God. Allowing him to refresh me and wipe off all the gunk that covered me. I heard God tell me that He wanted me to fast, fast from all food except water and yogurt when I needed to eat. I've never fasted from anything before much less food… and just so you know I eat like a pig!
The next day I had completely forgot about fasting. I grilled hamburgers for lunch and ate way to much! My dad works for Pepsi and I saw in the fridge that he had brought home some new Mountain Dew drinks that weren't out in stores yet. I decided to take one with me down to the river to do me devotional and spend time with God. During my time with God for some strange reason I decided to stand up and pray out loud with a shout over the water. This is where it gets interesting! Out spoken prayer and worshiping through music are two of the main ways I am most filled with the Holy Spirit. But it was different this time. When you're in a building or a room there is enclosure. It's almost like there is designed space for God's presence to fill and I don't picture him as being outside of that space. When I was praying out over the water I realize how much space was around me! I saw how big and mighty God was to be around me but around me outside where his presence stretches as far as I could see in every direction! This was a weird feeling. Honestly I felt like a was talking to myself the whole time. I began to pray rapidly and fervently with whatever came to mind and was on my heart when it hit me… I had not began to fast. Immediately I Gave that to the Lord telling him that i was fasting from this point on! that's when he reminded me of my drink that was still sitting on the ground untouched. He asked me if I was going to drink it. Obviously I wanted to so I told him that after I drank it I was going to start. The parable of the great banquet in Luke 14 popped into my mind. I wrestled with this because I knew it was God telling me to not be like the people in the parable, to not put things of God off for things I want to get done first. I went back and forth in my mind struggling with finishing the drink and not wasting it or pouring it out. The word waste stood out to me as I thought about it. Would I really be wasting that drink? Was I really going to let an earthly item have more control over me than my trust and relationship with God? If I decide to drink it i'm wasting my promise to fast. I'm wasting time I could be fasting. I'm ultimately weakening myself to give in to temptation again in the future by trying to justify my actions. 1 John 2:17 came to mind. "The world and it's desires pass away but the man who does the will of God lives forever." No! I couldn't let something so stupid and small make me try to twist my promise to God to fast. Out of furious irritation I chucked the drink into the river as far as I could. Yes, I know I littered but that is beside the point. The point is: how often in our daily life do we waste opportunities God has given us to glorify him because it doesn't fit into our agendas? How often do we try to justify postponing something God has called us to do because he have to finish what we started first? This is a perfect example of Luke 9:57-62 where Christ says "No one who puts his hands to the plow and looks back is fit for the Kingdom of God."
I just wanted to share this because it was really annoying to me how I could let something so little hold so much power over my actions but at the same time how I realized it and through the Christ was able to over come such a petty worldly thing. I've found we as humans give little sin big power.
