blinded and trapped

I was raised in the church and have, for as long as I can
remember, believed in Christ; however, I could never seem to get out of sin. I
was seeking after God, wanting to lose my sin and desiring to be obedient to
Him. I wanted more of Him but somehow could never get to the place where I
could be in relationship with Him. I knew there had to be more to the story of
God, even from a young age. I was missing a part of the story and could feel
it, but I was in a trap. I was running toward God but couldn’t get there
because I was still stuck in living the way I thought was best. All along God
was calling to me, waiting on me, beckoning for me to draw close to Him. He
gave me compassion for people in want from a young age and I knew I wanted to
do some sort of service after college. His passion was in me all along I just
couldn’t see that He wanted to use me for big things. Then He did something
most unexpected. He opened up the door for me to go on the world race. God
called a girl who was caught up in the world-in materialism, in partying, in
finding value in being sought after by man.

The trap I was stuck in was a life of selfishness-a life
where I was on the throne.  I made
the decisions and did what I thought was best.  My value and happiness was found in shakable truths and unsteady places.  My ears were so
used to hearing lies that I could barely recognize truth anymore. The truth is,
people could only bring me happiness for so long. I realized that people always
let me down; approval of people, and material things always fell short of what
my soul longed for.

A couple of weeks ago I was awakened to how much I lacked
compassion for the lost.  I have
friends and family members that believe in Christ, but don’t follow Him. The
worst part is that they are in the same boat I was in for so long. I want them
to be free. God has really been stirring in my heart for them-giving me a heart
for them. I get dreams and visions in my head of them running and running but
they are in a trap-in my vision they are in a long dark tunnel but they can’t
find there way out. They keep trying to use all the wrong keys to open the door
to freedom and all along Christ is waiting for them to turn to Him.  I have found myself so broken for them.
I find myself weeping over them often. I can imagine this is only a glimpse of
what God, their father, their creator, feels.

In Isaiah 65, God talks about how He waited for His children.
He called out for them saying, “Here I am! Here I am!” to a people who ignored
Him. He reached out to his children day after day and they never responded,
they continued to turn their backs on Him.