This week was a tough week for me and today, I completely broke.
After I got off work, I decided to go check out my squad-mates’ blogs to see how they were doing on their fundraising, to see if they were making any progress. I came to realization that I should not have done that. I should have not went to their blogs and check on their progress.
After the realization, I put my phone down and just sat there in my car and stared outside. I start to feel this anger and jealousy come to me. Instantly, I knew that I need to push out the negativity and get myself together. I did for a minute there, then it hit me. I started yelling at my Father. I yelled at Him about my situation and why I was not at the same progress level as my squadmates. Then I yelled at Him some more about other things. Anger and jealousy was just coming at me. And I put it all on the Lord when he did not once deserve it.
In the midst of yelling at him, I told Him this: “Father, I don’t think I can do this. I’m tired of doing this. I am tired of fundraising. I am tired of having to put myself out there on social media. It’s emotionally draining. I miss my home in New York. I miss my church community. Why can’t I just quit and go back to school in New York and live the “normal” life?”
He said to me: “Haley, take a breath. Let it out, cry all you need to.” So I did. I took a small amount of breath and instantly broke down. I cried the whole way home. Just sobbed. I was sobbing so much that I almost had to pull over just to get myself together.
When I finally got home, I prayed to him again, “Father, please show me something. Show me that I am worthy. Show me that I am meant to do this. Show me that dropping out of college, leaving my home, and joining the World Race was the right thing to do.”
Nothing was said after that. Just pure silence. It was actually beautiful. It was like I could feel Him. He did not need to say anything. Surprisingly, feeling Him was all I needed.
Then I heard, “Look”
Not having no idea what He wants me to look at but I feel he wanted to show me something on social media. So I went online and the first thing that popped up on my news feed was an article that I know it was meant for me.
After reading the article, I cried again. I praised the Lord. I thanked Him over and over. I prayed to him again, “Father, I am sorry for yelling at you earlier, you did not deserve that. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for guiding me to You. I know there is purpose in all of this. For now, I am not worried about the money. I know You will provide. If that means I need to wait for Your providence, then I will.”
Then I felt this joy come to me. The same joy that I had for the past several months came back to me.
Praise the Lord. He really works in mysterious ways.
Wherever you are at today know that God is right beside you and that there is a purpose for you. Even if that purpose is to wait.
Never compare yourself to others. You be you. You are wonderful, unique, and beautiful in your own way. God made you for who you are. In His eyes, you are perfect. Never compare yourself to others.
I want to share this article that I came across today with you guys because I feel that the Lord wants me to pass this on to whoever that is struggling.
When God Makes You Wait
“Jesus could have come and healed Lazarus when he was still alive.
Instead, He waited to raise him from the dead when he was already in his grave.
God could have made David become king the day after he was anointed.
Instead, He waited 15 years to rise to the throne, many of those years spent fearing for his life, hiding out and running away from his own father-in-law.
God could have spoken to Moses in the desert about sending him to help free His people from slavery 40 days after he ran away from Egypt.
Instead, He made him wait for 40 long years. God could have gotten Joseph out of prison one year after he was sentenced there.
Instead, he was stuck in that dungeon for 10 years before he was finally set free. God could have given Abraham the son He promised him when he was still a young man.
Instead, He waited until he was 100 years old and because of physical reasons would have a more difficult time conceiving at that age.
God could have answered prayers and met the needs of these men of God much quicker, but He didn’t.
He made them wait instead.
And He often makes us do the same.
He makes us wait for healing to come after we’ve been praying for years and there is no sign of recovery.
He makes us wait to fulfill His call in our lives after He puts the desire and passion in our hearts to serve Him in a certain way.
He makes us wait to give us the desires of our hearts, whether it’s a baby, a spouse, or a new job.
He makes us wait for direction when we are stuck at a dead end and we don’t know where to go or what to do.
He could answer that same prayer that you’ve been praying for years every night in a millisecond.
That same prayer that has been bringing you to tears.
That same prayer that the longer that it goes unanswered, the more it makes you question whether He even hears.
He kept Moses in a desert for 40 years.
Joseph in a prison cell for 10 years.
Abraham without a child for 100 years.
David on the run for 15 years.
And maybe He is keeping you right where you’re at for the same reason He kept these men for so many years: to build your faith.
To build your faith in a dungeon cell, during the valley in your life where it’s too dark to see and too hard to believe.
To build your dependence on Him when you are barren and empty to see if He is truly all you desire and all you need.
To see how well you will trust and serve Him when you are still stuck in the background somewhere, doing seemingly nothing too significant for Him.
To build your trust in Him when the storm keeps raging, the battle keeps going and breakthrough and victory doesn’t seem near.
See… sometimes the waiting period of our lives is the most important time in our life.
It is during this period when nothing seems to be happening, when prayers seem to go unanswered, when God seems so far away that the most spiritual growth takes place in our lives. That we learn to become more like Him.It is during this time that we build spiritual “muscle”.
That we grow in faith.
That we learn to only depend on Him.
What are you waiting for today?
What longing do you have that seems so far from ever being fulfilled?
What prayer do you keep on praying that seems to never reach God’s ears?
I want to remind you that God is not deaf to your prayers.
He is not blind to your constant tears, to your desires, and to your needs.
IF He is making you wait, there is a very good reason for it.
If He is telling you “no” today, maybe it’s because He has a better “yes” waiting for you tomorrow.
If He is keeping you in the same place you’ve always been today, maybe it’s because He’s helping build your faith before you enter your Promised Land tomorrow.
If He is not healing you or bringing you victory today, maybe it’s because you will have a greater testimony when He waits to help you be an overcomer tomorrow.
Wherever you are at today know that God is right beside you and that there is a purpose for you. Even if that purpose is to wait.
Don’t give up just because you don’t see anything happening today.
Maybe there is nothing physically happening that your eyes can see but there is definitely something happening in the spiritual realm as you learn to rely on Christ.
Don’t allow your waiting period to make you hopeless about what tomorrow will bring.
Instead, let it build your faith and give you even greater hope for what God has prepared for you.
He made some of the greatest men of faith wait.
Don’t be discouraged if He makes you wait as well.
He will come through for you, just like He came through for them.”
(http://theprayingwoman.com/2015/03/06/when-god-makes-you-wait/)
“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” – Psalm 27:14
For those of you that have prayed and donated, thank you.
Much love and God Bless <3
