“Mom, do you think I’m Christian enough for the World Race?
“Haley, that is ridiculous that you are even thinking of that. There is no such thing as ‘Are you Christian enough for something?’. You are either a Christian or not. No one is better than the other. Every person from the bible has flaws, just like you, but that does not make you no better than the other.”
I have always struggled with the thought: “Am I Christian enough?”.
For those of you that do not know, I am hard of hearing in my left ear and deaf in my right ear. I wear a hearing aid and mostly read lips. With that being said, I always had a hard time understanding what pastors were saying about the Gospel in churches. I would always leave church with a frustrating state of mind, rather feeling peace and hopefulness. Because of that, I stop attending to church on daily basis after I graduated high school. It was just too frustrating for me because I was tired of being mad at God for not allowing me to understand what the pastors were saying about Him. He didn’t deserve that angriness from me. It’s not God’s fault that I am unable to understand them.
After I stopped attending to church, I decided to try it on my own. Learn about God and His Kingdom through my daily devotions. It worked for awhile then I gave up because I had a hard time understanding the bible on my own with my reading comprehension problems. Most of the time when I read books involving with big words and words that aren’t used on a daily basis, I have to go the extra mile of studying the words and/or have someone explain it to me. I would, sometimes, have someone there to help me out but I ended up feeling guilty because I didn’t want them to waste their time with helping me. I do not like asking for help. I hated that, I was tired of asking people to help me understand the Bible and was tired of having to go the extra mile of studying the big, fancy words. That was one of my flaws, and I hated it.
During the last couple years, I would just focused on my relationship with the Lord and I. I didn’t focus on the Bible or going to church on daily basis. I would just simply talk to God everyday. While I was driving, walking, showering, or even during school study sessions. Surprisingly, it worked. We did have ups and downs (like any other relationships), but our relationship grew stronger everyday. He was there with me every step of the way even when I wasn’t attending to church to learn more about Him and His Kingdom. I was there for people and helped them through His love. I loved God and others with my whole heart and that is all He cared about. The thought of “Am I Christian enough?” left my mind. I felt peace.
Then I got called into the World Race.
Because of that I decided to go back to church because I knew I would need to teach others about the Gospel throughout the World Race journey in Asia. Before searching for what church I should go to, I prayed to God: “Lord, please help me find a church that I can leave every Sunday with feeling peace and hopefulness rather feeling confused and angry. Help me find a church that I can learn and understand the stories that the pastor gives out to us.” That weekend, I found a church that I was desperately searching for my whole life. God had answered my prayers. The church I go to is called, Pathway Church. The pastors gives out papers with stories and fill in the blanks. He guides you through his speaking on stage and on paper. I am able to catch up with him by filling in the blanks and reading the subtitles on screen. I am able to leave church with learning something new about the Gospel and sharing it to others. Let me tell you, it is the best feeling ever. I had prayed and ask God to help me to learn about Him, He provided with what I needed. I will forever be grateful for that.
Although I have just started learning more about Him, this negative thought in my mind came back. “Am I Christian enough to go on the World Race?”. It was driving me crazy. Then that’s when I had the talk with my mom.
“Mom, do you think I’m Christian enough for the World Race?”
“Haley, that is ridiculous that you are even thinking of that. There is no such thing as ‘Are you Christian enough for something?’. You are either a Christian or not. No one is better than the other. Every person from the bible has flaws, just like you, but that doesn’t make you no better than the other.”
My mother is completely right. It doesn’t matter if you know more or don’t know more than others about the Gospel, you all are still equal in God’s eyes.
After our talk, I came across an advice from a world racer’s blog:
“You are enough, you are right where you are supposed to be, and absolutely nothing (and I mean nothing) in your past will make you untouchable to God. Comparing yourself to others only creates greater insecurity and puts up more barriers keeping you from really stepping into what you’re called to be and seeing yourself as God sees you.”
I knew right then and there that God was there with me. He was telling me that regards of what I do or say, He loves me and is proud of me.
I could walk away from God’s calling on my life or I could allow Jesus to live HIS life through me.
I choose to allow Jesus to live HIS life through me.
All you need to do is show God’s love through you. That is all God wants for you.
“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
Galatians 2:20
I have flaws and I am enough.
You have flaws and you are enough.
BONUS: YOU CAN TRUST THAT THE LORD WILL ALWAYS CATCH YOU, NO MATTER WHAT.
