Between tests, papers, presentation, and graduation, how do I fit in my time with God?
Throughout raising money, spreading the word about the World Race, and spending my savings on vaccinations and supplies, where is the time to spend with family and friends?
With thoughts, reminders, and to-do lists coming out of my ears, is there a solution to clearing my mind for time to just meditate on nothing?
This semester has been anything but expected.
I didn’t expect to be as busy as I am; I didn’t expect to have so many emotions within me and surrounding me concerning what these upcoming years will bring; I didn’t expect, but am wonderfully thankful for, being halfway supported of the original $15,500 needed for the WR.
With all the abundance that my life is supplying, I fear that I have not spent as much time with God as I would like to. There’s no excuse, really. When you say to yourself, “I need to spend more time talking with God,” the reasonable thing to do is DO IT, right?
Someone once told me that God is not impressed by how close you get to sin, but rather He rejoices when you turn away at the first sight of temptation.
This is similar to my situation.
I love God with all my heart.
But maybe my heart just isn’t full right now.
I still talk to Him and pray to Him and yearn to listen to Him. But it’s like I am waiting to be completely destroyed and at a low point in my Spiritual life before I “hit the books” again and go full throttle toward being the perfect, little holy child.
That’s not what it’s about though. Loving God is not about how many religious acts you do in a day or how many times you bow your head. It’s about a relationship – between you and God.
Recently I’ve had a thought continuously captivate my mind: marriage.
Marriage is a beautiful thing. Two people come together for the rest of their life, to share and to love day in and day out. Now, that’s something to celebrate about!
In reality, marriage scares the crap out of me.
The thought of being with someone the rest of my life doesn’t scare me, don’t get me wrong; I love that thought.
It’s the thought that you would put all your love and all your might into this one person… but then what if something happens to that person?
All that love, all that passion, all that courage and strength and sweat and blood into one relationship; one person.
For it to all be taken away.
It’s scares me.
The thought of it completely terrifies me.
So I think: the answer must be to just not marry anyone, or even have a deep relationship with anyone for that matter. Don’t have a serious relationship with anyone. Ever.
That would save you so much pain and so much heartache.
You wouldn’t go a day in your life that wasn’t filled with smiles and laughter.
Pure bliss, don’t you agree?
But then I think of God, and where we would be if He had said that to Himself.
If Jesus never was sent, we would know nothing other than holy temples and sacrificial gifts. If Jesus was never a son, a teacher, or a friend, so many tears and so much anguish would have been saved from every being shed or ever being felt. If Jesus never died, God would not have had to endure seeing His perfect Son die such a gruesome death on the cross.
But God knew that there would be pain and heartache and hard times, yet He went forth. He knew that those times had to be accomplished in order to see growth in us.
He sent His wonderful and perfect Son to DIE for OUR SINS.
That’s ultimate pain for ultimate satisfaction.
So really, there’s no life without seeing the rough times.
How are there ups without downs?
Sure, I can play it safe and live a life disconnected from everyone and without any possible dangers up ahead.
But what kind of life would that be? What would I be learning? I wouldn’t be losing or gaining – I would be stagnant.
And I think that a stagnant life is not a life that God wants us to live. I mean, look at Jesus, the apostles, Paul, etc… they were crazy people! But they did it all with a heart that followed God.
So that’s what I am going to do.
Yes, it would be easier to go to these 11 countries and just get to know the basics of people. Land, talk, share the Gospel, pack up, leave. Easy peasy, lemon squeasy.
But where is the heart in that?
Ask questions, become personal, experience and know their laughter, their pains, their dreams. Trust someone and have them trust you back.
It might hurt to leave them or to lose them; but when loving someone you’re allowing God to love you and for Him to love through you.
