I SAW JESUS!!!!
I've heard people say that they saw the Lord and thought to myself ehhhhhh that's awesome but ehhhh? Not that I didn't believe them, it's just one of those things that's so awesome, there just aren't words to describe it.
While I was in the hospital here in NY I saw the Lord. Throughout this season of being so sick, I have kept the faith and continued believing this was all part of the Lord 's plan. I am very confident in the fact that He has a purpose for all of this and that all of this isn't for nothing. Through all of this I have had an abundance of peace and have seen the Lord move in a lot of ways.
Even when in our certainty and unwavering peace and faith, we will have moments of weakness. Those moments when you say to yourself, "it's okay to not be okay."
Tuesday morning rolled around and I knew the time had come that my squad leader was leaving. While happy that she was able to go back to the field to my brothers and sisters, I was crushed because the time had come when I was saying goodbye to my last WR family member that was with me. As she hugged me and said goodbye and walked out the door I found myself in a place of having 235678975322458 million things running through my head while at the same time not thinking anything at all. Right after she closed the door I rolled over and just began weeping. Mom and dad sitting in the room, completely silent…. All I could do was cry and say Lord I know you have a purpose for this but PLEASE show me something, I don't understand. (There will be things in life we never have answers to, but KNOW He is using your trials). The rest of the day passed and night time rolled around. I couldn't sleep, had a lot on my mind. Midnight had come and gone, nurses were constantly in and out. Around 2:30 I pulled out the iPad, turned on pandora and just laid there praying and listening to some Jesus tunes. Almost 4am,I'm laying there silently talking to the Lord with my eyes closed. I was almost asleep and opened my eyes. As I opened my eyes I looked to the left of my bed and there stood Jesus!!!
Jesus was standing right beside me!He wasn't bright and beaming. He didn't say anything. He was wearing a white robe and had a scruffy beard. I couldn't see His feet. He just stood there staring into my eyes. He looked far beyond my eyes, he looked straight into the depths of my soul and pierced me with an abundance of peace and LOVE. There aren't even words to describe this moment. It was so beautiful. In that moment any tiny bit of uncertainty or questions that I had disappeared. At that moment I didn't care what else happened to me or what came my way bc I knew the Lord was and is fighting for me.
He's such an awesome Daddy! Seriously, how awesome it is for us to be able to call the creator of the entire universe our Daddy!! Keep fighting the good fight and running your race! He's got big things ahead!
