As I travel across my last border I am in disbelief. Even now, I sit with half my squad in a tiny passenger van and I can’t help but feel a sense of sadness because it’s the last time I’ll travel with them like this; sweaty, hungry, sluggish, cramped in each other’s space, yet so full of life and thankfulness for the experiences & the breeze.
My team and I watched Cast Away last week.
If you’ve seen that movie, you know that Tom Hanks plays the character of Chuck, who crash landed and spent 5 years on an island. He then gets submerged back into the “real world” where he resumes a “normal” life.
On Chuck’s journey in the middle of the ocean, he loses his closest friend; Wilson. Wilson saw him go through hell and saw him triumph in his victories. Then Wilson drifted out into the sea where I’d like to think he did exactly what he was meant to do.
His coworkers and friends threw him a welcome home party and as everyone leaves, he holds a quiet yet stimulated posture. When the last person leaves, he slowly closes the door and turns around. His face and silence say it all.
No one understands what he has just been through but there is no way that he could possibly describe everything that happened to him.
As I watched these scenes move before my eyes, something came over me and I had to keep myself from crying. Why was I emotional over this?
I can’t get the images out of my head. I sit and stare out the window, wondering how I’ll ever be the same.
But that’s the beauty in it all.
I won’t ever be the same.
The last eleven months have been absolutely packed with experiences.
The good, the bad, and the ugly. I’ve cried more, laughed more, been challenged more, and celebrated more than I have in my last 22 years of life.
This group of 50 that I travel with became my family for the year. In a sense, we just spent a year on an island that some will never find. We were each other’s body guards, birthday party throwers and cuddle buddies. We frustrated each other yet we made one another burst with laughter.
Then to top it all off, I step back and look at my teammates. How did I wind up leading them? How did I get so lucky to have amazingly beautiful and strong women so close to me?
They’ve seen me in my darkest places and my highest.
They’ve seen me grow and they’ve seen me stumble.
They’ve seen me cranky after naps and they’ve picked up on all my weird mannerisms.
They’ve called me out on my shit and they’ve encouraged me when they knew I was hurting or frustrated.
They’ve peed with me and they’ve slept with me.
They’ve taught me how to be a better friend, sister, daughter, and leader.
They are my Wilsons.
At the end of this all, we’ll find ourselves closing the door to our own welcome home parties. We will have said our farewells and our ‘see-you-laters’ as we let one another drift into the different spaces of sea where we’re meant to be.
This journey is just the beginning for so many and I’m so thankful that I’ve been able to share it with my whole squad, my different teams (shout out to team Kindred & Adelphi) and my closest friends (you know who you are). But I’m especially thankful to be ending it with some of my greatest friends; Amber, Hannah, Ryan, Katelyn, Britt and Laura.
One of the last scenes in the movie, we observe Chuck telling his friend about his deep emotions and experiences on the island.
He opens up and does his best to describe in detail something he went through. He so desperately tries to articulate the lessons that he has learned while being gone.
I’ll never be able to describe to people everything that has touched my heart. I’ll earnestly try to paint stories of the days that I have walked through, yet only a bit of the paint will be seen.
Yet the majestic beauty in this is that I have shared and cultivated something special between me and Jesus that no other human will quite understand except for the two of us.
In a sense, I spent an intense year with Jesus in our secret partnership in order to out pour. I learned more about my royalty. I learned more about my destiny. I learned more about myself and most of all, I learned more about Him and His heart for me and the nations.
Cheers to casting away from the expectations that America has placed and finding the island where Jesus holds a different kind of treasure for you and for me.
