Steadfast : resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering
I am quickly learning that this word is a theme in my season of squad leading. I have the privilege of joining teams and sitting in on their daily life. I get to form relationships with each one of them and watch in awe of God’s work in their hearts. I am humbled that the Lord has allowed me to be a small speck in their race and man, is my heart full of love for each of these 53 crazy individuals. I am also constantly on the move. I don’t usually sleep in the same bed for more than two weeks at a time. The people I’m surrounded by changes frequently and my to do list grows week to week. There isn’t a lot of consistency. Because of that, I’ve quickly had to learn the meaning of that word and how to live it out.
When I think of my life in whimsy fanciful ways, I think it’d be nice to be a beautiful fall leaf. Blown away by the wind any chance I get. Free to fly from place to place light as a feather. Taking care only to the winds next directions for me. The romance this picture paints is almost enough to catch my heart. At least in moments where I’m dreaming of the easy road to escape.
The truth is I’m more like a Great Oak. Im gnarly, broken and trimmed, continuously growing, rooted into the depths of the earth. I’m steadfast. At least I’m learning to be.
For the majority of my 23 beautiful years of life, I’ve been playing the role of a leaf. A slave to the wind of my whims in constant search of instant gratification. And If I’m being honest, being a tree is hard. Those roots that rip through the ground of your insecurities and fears, hurt. A lot. Refusing to fly away whenever your emotions tell you to isn’t always fun. Allowing the pruning of branches that will bring death is about the least glamorous thing I’ve experienced. But trees need to have deep roots in order to produce beauty.
Here is an excerpt from my journal the other day:
“You’re digging my roots deeper and deeper. The deeper you go the harder it is for me to move. I’m learning, in this season of change, that if my roots are in my circumstances, I will constantly be ripping up what keeps me steady. I CAN’T be shaken because I trust in you. The deeper you take me, the harder it is to go back to a place where I don’t see you. You are my constant.”
“He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.”
??Psalms? ?1:3? ?
I can’t help but to be continually grateful for this journey.
For the fact that my Heavenly Father desires to take me to the depths.
That he sees me as more than a fickle fall leaf. That I’m a woman who can’t be shaken. That the same roots that make me gnarly make me steadfast.
