Cars are driving slowly past the window I’m staring out of. I hear the hum of conversation behind me, people drinking their caffeine, laughing and enjoying the company of the people around them. My phone buzzes with new text messages from my friends. I have a glass full of ice cold water provided to me free of charge from my favorite coffee shop. My mac is plugged in to one of the many outlets on the wall connected to the free wifi. The wonderful aroma of coffee beans fills my senses as I take in my surroundings.
I sit here lost in thought of the unknown. I currently am less than five minutes from home where I have at my fingertips drawers full of clothes, a fridge full of food, hot and cold water, and a comfortable bed to sleep in. I’m about to throw my whole entire life into an arena I don’t know that I can prepare myself for. In less than four months I will be in a country whose culture I only know of from books. I will have to pack 11 months worth of clothing and essentials in to a 65L osprey pack and hope that I didn’t forget something. I have no guarantee of having hot water for a shower that day or even fresh water period.
Reading over the words I just typed I can’t help but cringe and think that I sound so spoiled. I’m worried about being in an environment that some have lived in their whole life.I currently live in a life of luxury and do so without the bat of an eye. The only reason I use the word spoiled is that is how I sometimes act. All of these luxuries are blessings from God that I take for granted and I act as if I have done something to deserve them. Wow. This is my life before the race.
I wish I could say that currently my life before the race is one of gratitude and appreciation. I wish I could say that every day I wake up motivated to change myself and the world. I wish I could say that I am the perfect example of a Christian and live every day filled with the spirit; but I can’t. Sometimes my life is selfish and all deserving. Sometimes I make bad decisions and fall on my face. Sometimes I lose focus and allow myself to be distracted by all this world can throw in my face.
In these moments when I find myself falling so enormously short, I’m reminded that God did not call me to have a perfect life. He just called me. So my life before the race might be a little broken, somewhat selfish, and maybe even a bit lost; but I know that I am called and I am going. Just as I am.
This song pretty much sums up my life before the race. However unworthy I am, I will lay it down before Christ and come as I am.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjgioXrnEME
