Where do I even begin? First off, I apologize for taking a little break from blogging the past three months. I felt like I had so much to say about Cambodia that it lead to me saying nothing at all. And then came Vietnam. Such an amazing experience! But I shall get to those two countries soon I PROMISE. This blog, however, is about my life here in India. Well more specifically, my life here with Riley.
Our ministry this month is with an organization called Sarah’s Covenant Homes (SCH). Essentially it is a special needs orphanage for abandoned and neglected children. SCH first began when Sarah wanted to get special needs orphans out of the government run orphanages that didn’t have the necessary care and services that the children needed. SCH has two homes in India, one in Ongole with around 120 kids, and one here in Hyderabad, with a little over 10. This house is for the sickest of the sick, which mostly means babies. The house is 5 minutes away from a really great hospital, so kids that seem to need more medical attention live here until they are well enough to move to Ongole where hospitals aren’t as nice.
In the beginning of the month, we were told that since there were 7 of us, we were able to pick a child to pour into all month, a child that would get love and attention each and every day from us. Immediately when we arrived, I was nervous about this. What if I didn’t find a child I connected with? What if the child I wanted didn’t want me back? What if caring for a special needs child was too much to handle?
After my month in Vietnam, I began to realize that I was walking through a season of doubt. Not in God Himself, but in the goodness and powerfulness of God. I saw everything good in my life and didn’t understand why I had so much, and the man on the side of the road didn’t. I didn’t understand the injustices of the world (as my team loves to make fun of me for saying) and why they were happening to people around me. Clearly, I was going through a lot of internal battles. Battles of my head about the goodness of God, battles about pain and suffering in the world, battles about my own thoughts and desires for the future. Everything seemed to be adding up around me. I couldn’t seem to find true happiness. Not conditional happiness that only came from good situations and experiences, but happiness that overcame darkness and despair even when it was hard. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m typically a pretty happy person. But in these past 8 months, I’ve let the world make me hard. I’ve let my situations determine my happiness. I’ve let others around me determine my happiness. What I needed was a breath of fresh air. What I needed was a simple reminder that God was good. Not just sometimes, not just on sunny days, but in every moment and every second of every day.
After a few days at SCH, it was time to pick our child from the month. I had grown incredibly connected to a little boy named, Riley. He reminded me of Asante, the boy I sponsor who I met while studying abroad in Ghana. The boy that two years later, I am still connected with and plan to be connected with for many, many years to come. Riley suffers from complex congenital heart disease, feeding difficulty, hypothyroidism, and hypotonia. But to me he is a fighter. To me he is absolutely perfect.
Growing up, we had a little wooden plaque that hung in our bathroom with a cartoon picture of a mom and child that my mother had picked up from a Christmas party or church event many years ago. Under the picture, it had the quote from Charles Dickens,
“It is not a slight thing that they, who are so fresh from God, love us.”
No matter how ugly that cartoon picture was, I had always loved that quote. It reminds me of how intentional God is. That He creates each and every one of us. That he hand picks our eyes and our hair. When a child is born, it’s like seeing a newly finished creation from God. They are so fresh from His hands and eyes. That thought overwhelms me sometimes. It overwhelms me with thoughts about the goodness of God. How He creates beautiful life. There’s a reason why most parents cry at the sight of their newborn child. It’s because of how beautiful they are. How perfect they are. How flawless they are. Even as they start to grow up, they are still beautiful, still perfect, still flawless.
When I look at Riley, all I see is perfection. I see joy, and love, and kindness. What I see are qualities of God. I think that’s what makes babies so incredibly special to us. They show how easy those qualities and traits are before the darkness of the world gets to them. In those early years of life, joy and love is easy to them. It’s second nature to them. It’s all they have ever known. No one teaches a child to laugh or smile. It’s instinct. How incredibly beautiful is that? How incredibly good is that?
My month here at SCH with Riley has been a wonderful adventure. I wake up to the thought of his little face, and go to bed thinking about our day together. He has stolen a piece of my heart. One day without even knowing it, I realized how much I loved him. How much I cared for him. When people say that short-term mission trips can’t do much, or that one month just isn’t enough time to do anything substantial, I disagree. I have been able to show this boy love. Not just because I had to, but because I wanted to. My heart needed to. The teams before me and after me will and have shown him that same love. And while I was busy loving him, he began to love me back. He has been able to show me that childlike love that the Charles Dickens quote was talking about. It is absolutely not a slight thing that Riley, who is so fresh from God’s loving hands and embrace, can love me, a messed up soul without her life together. That is anything but slight.
This month I was able to be a mother to Riley. I went to his doctor appointments, I fed him, made sure he had manly clothes on, put him to bed, took care of him when he got sick, held him while he got his haircut, and everything in between. This past week was parents week on the race and for three days, parents were in and out of the orphanage to spend time with the kids. I felt like a proud mother showing off my kid and made sure everyone got to see how adorable he is. I felt so proud of him.
As my time in India comes to a close, a look back to a month with an amazing team, the nicest living conditions thus far on the race, incredible food, and inspiring people surrounding us. This has been the closest “at home” feeling that I’ve had since leaving my actual home 8 months ago. I honestly began to tear up walking down the stairs today because I had realized how much this place has become home. The children here have become my family. The caregivers and nurses have become my sisters and grandmothers. It’s crazy what one month can do. Our team is already planning future trips back here to SCH next summer. No joke. Come with us.
To answer your question, yes I still am battling with focusing too much of my attention on the injustices of the world. Yes, its still hard to see the goodness of God in every situation, and yes I am still confused out of my mind why bad things happen to so many people I’ve come across this year. But somehow without me knowing it, little Riley snuck into my heart and made those thoughts not as important. He made me realize that this world isn’t so bad and that if I took a look around, there is so much good to be had. Maybe it was the first time he fell asleep on my shoulder, or when he first introduced me to his version of blowing kisses, but that boy did a number on me. My mission this month was to love a child as much as my heart could handle. What I got in return was one of the most amazing months of my life.
For more information on how to sponsor Riley, visit his page at:
http://www.schindia.com/children/riley
For our team’s awesome month 8 video go to:
