Tuesday, one of my teammates approached me and asked me about fasting. We were just about to finish a squad-wide screen fast and it had gotten her curious about fasting from food. I had the opportunity to share with her my minimal experience with fasting, why people do it, and how to do it. The Spirit had already been working in her, tugging on her heart to fast. I saw that and so I offered to do a fast with her. I suggested we start out with a simple one that I had done before. Essentially, you eat breakfast and lunch one day, and then don’t eat again until lunch the next day. This may sound easy, but it is something that I had a very hard time with in the past.
We began the fast that day, and as people were getting ready for dinner, I sat on the deck, playing my ukulele and trying to fight the dizzy feelings I was experiencing. I was already ready to give up at that point. But I knew that my teammate was looking to me for support. If I gave up now, I knew that she would feel as if she should give up to. So I prayed to God, asking for strength and guidance.
I led us in Celtic Daily Prayer while everyone else was eating dinner. Afterward, we had discussion about how we were feeling and what the experience was like for us. We both recognized how intentional we had to be about our attitudes. We couldn’t just mindlessly complain about how hungry we were, or how tired we were, and we had to be conscious of the way we were treating our squad-mates. Even after just one meal, I could already see the Spirit at work in our hearts.
The next morning, I led us in a simple time of worship/prayer/reflection. In this time, I asked for God to give me what I needed for the day, and that even in times when I felt like giving up, I would find joy in my hardships.
About an hour later, we loaded up in the van to go to a wheelchair factory for the day. We were simply helping with whatever jobs they needed help with. When we got there, they started handing off the easier jobs. If you know me, you know I am not eager to speak up first, so I stood back quietly as those jobs were quickly taken. When it came down to the end I realized that, by default, I had volunteered for a job which entailed lifting 60 pound boxes. Oh, if you can imagine what I was feeling in that moment. I fought with God.
“God, I’m fasting right now! My body is weak, and I feel so faint. Where am I going to find the strength to do this job? Why couldn’t I have gotten one of the easier jobs?”
I even argued with myself. I so badly just wanted to tell someone that I was fasting in the hopes that I would be moved to another job. But God spoke to me. He told me that I needed to look to Him for strength, and not anything of this world…including food. So as I lifted every box, I prayed that God would give me strength and joy. And He did. That is not to say that lifting the boxes became easier, because it didn’t. It was harder every time. But every time I prayed, God provided.
After some time, I could feel myself physically growing weaker. I asked for God to give me an opportunity to rest, and we made a deal that I would only move to another job if someone looked directly at me and asked me to. So I continued lifting boxes until exactly that happened. I was placed doing a job that allowed me to sit and do simple, tedious things like hooking things to other things and putting them in buckets.
In that time I was able to reflect on my fast. I realized how much I had to rely on God when I allowed myself to be uncomfortable. I realized how intentional I had to be about choosing not to complain, and instead find joy that can only come from God. Most of all, I realized how much stronger I am when I rely not on my own strength, but on the strength of God in me.
