Emptiness
Normally that is something we try to avoid…and with good reason. Especially in Western culture, we always feel the need to fill our lives past capacity. We are constantly bombarding our senses with whatever we can find so that way we don’t feel empty.
Empty has never been something that I have wanted to be. Yet that was exactly where I found myself as I boarded the plane to Guatemala. I had finally let go of everything…familiar situations, plans for the future, the comfort of familiarity, and even my dependence on my community at home. I boarded that plane with Jesus and nothing else (well except a couple bags, but you get what I’m saying).
I began to see emptiness in a new light. By abandoning everything, I created a space for God to fill. No longer would I get to constantly fill myself with social media, Netflix, or whatever else I could find…I had to invite God in to help fill that space.
Today He filled it what an opportunity to meet children at a school in Ayapan. Walking into the school, you could say I was a little nervous. This was my first time ever leaving the United States so it was rare that language was ever a barrier for me before now. I was so nervous that I wasn’t good enough and that I didn’t have anything to offer. At first I found myself wanting to stand back and let other people interact with them, but as I watched my teammates play with the kids I came to the realization that I can’t let language be a barrier for me. I came to Guatemala to share God’s love, and God’s love isn’t restricted to words.
So I walked into a classroom and went for it. I was able to greet the little girls, ask their name, introduce myself, and ask how old they were. By this point, I had exhausted my conversational Spanish skills. Feelings of inadequacy began to creep in until the little girls broke through that. They started playing with my hair and saying “cabella” (which I later found out means brown hair) over and over again and laughing. I saw one of my teammates braiding a girl’s hair and noticed another girl watching so I asked her if she wanted me to do the same for her. She nodded yes and smiled. After I finished braiding her hair, I could see a shift in her. She walked with confidence, smiling and stroking her braid. Something as simple as braiding hair made a difference in her.
Today required so much trust, and I found so much beauty in that. I can already feel myself being filled. Today, with an opportunity to love the children of Ayapan…and tomorrow? Who knows. Well…God knows…and I guess that’s all that matters.
