I’m sitting in the South African airport, surrounded by a sea of packs, waiting to board another flight. We only have 30 more hours until we hit solid ground in the states. It blows my mind that this day is here; that I’m actually going home. The Race is actually ending. And it’s actually happening right now. I’ve been trying to write a “going home” blog for a while now, but words failed every time. I chose to put the laptop down, invest in the people I was with and the last moments we had together, instead of trying to capture it in limited words on a screen. But I’m going to do my best without writing a novel because it easily could turn into that.
I’ve been doing life alongside 42 of the most incredible people I’ve ever encountered. They became family faster than I left my own at home. On our final night of debrief, we all sat in a room together, shared the biggest things The Lord did for us during this season, and I was overwhelmed. I feel overwhelmed to know that God allowed me to be apart of the growth and change in their lives; that He allowed me to be used and changed right alongside them in His beautiful story.
They say you can’t change the world
until you’re changed first,
and we are changed –
drastically and radically
by the grace of God.
This trip hasn’t just been a trip. It’s been a launchpad for the rest of my life. I’ve learned so much about who God is, who His children are, and who He calls me to be. I’ve seen Him do great works in me, through me, and right in front of me. Sometimes it was hard, but those times proved to be the richest and most rewarding. My entire perspective has changed, and I know I’m not returning home anywhere close to who I was when I left.
The Holy Spirit has wrecked me for the better and my passion for the Kingdom is incurable.
Coming on Gap Year was easily the best decision I’ve made. The past nine months have been the greatest season of my life thus far. But I know this season is not the greatest I’ll ever experience with The Lord. He has yet to take me to new heights and I have yet to experience all that He is. Who am I to limit God and who I am to expect less?
Yes, this is the ending. Yes, it’s going to be hard. And yes, I will need time. But the next season is just as exciting. The next season is just as full of challenges, goodness, and growth. I serve a steadfast and constant God. He has made me brave for the past nine months, calling me out upon waters I never knew existed. He will make me brave going home.
I’m pumped. I’m pumped to return home and join people passionate about God in the states. I’m pumped to watch Him show up and reveal Himself in new ways. I’m pumped to make this my life. Because it isn’t really a journey after all – it’s a lifetime commitment.
I may be leaving everything I’ve known for nine months. I may be returning to the comfortable unknown. But I have one thing. I have the One who always remains; the One who will walk beside me no matter where I am or who I’m with. And that’s something to hold onto. That’s something to rejoice in.
That’s something that makes peace a reality
and allows room for it to consume my entire being.
My prayer is that I return home willing. I return humbled, full of abundant grace, gentle in my words, and confident in the Holy Spirit. I pray that my journey and life are used as vessels to point people to the Father; that I carry a spirit that’s entitled to nothing. And I ask that you all have grace as I process through this crazy, wild, rich adventure; as I figure out how to shake off the old yoke and walk in confidence of my new one.
The beautiful thing about all of this coming to end is that I’m simply leaving. It’s simply a changing of seasons. The things I’ve seen, experienced, and learned will not be lost. The people I’ve come to love and care for so much will not be gone forever. The community I’m apart of will continue to carry on, despite distance. The intimacy with God I’ve come to walk in will only continue to strengthen.
I’m just leaving, not losing,
and that’s the most incredible part of it all.
