“We want to bring these impoverished boys out of the cycle of gangs, sexual abuse, and violence and mold them into the men God has created them to be.”
This is the goal of Engadi Ministry, and as soon as I heard those words, I knew that God has a plan. God has a vision for this ministry and for these boys, and he is using our host to reach that goal. He is using us to create relationships with the boys, so that they can eventually step into this better life.
My team and I are working with Engadi by teaching in three schools in zone 18, the poorest zone in Guatemala City. We work during the week teaching English to kids and their teachers, who have no previous English experience. Our goal is to not only teach them useful English for a better life, but to build trust and lay foundations for Engadi.
God wants us
to lavish them with
His love and His light.
Teaching the first day was incredibly difficult and exhausting. I felt inadequete and I felt helpless standing in front of a room full of gawking children. The language barrier still feels overwhelming at times. I made myself step back and ask God into the situation. He told me to love them. To simply love and show them joy. My ability to teach is not a direct reflection of Him or me. It’s about my attitude and how I treat the kids.
It’s funny because I’m a big structure person. I like order, I like things to go well, and I like to know what’s next. Guess what the Race does? The exact opposite of all of those. Guess what teaching has done? The same thing. We have no structure, the kids have little attention span, and resources are basically non-existent. God is already shattering what makes me comfortable.
But there’s Mike, who sits straight up, hanging on to every word we teach him. There’s Ingrid, a teacher I worked with one on one, who wanted to know how to pronounce Jesus and asked about my missions work. There’s our first fifth grade class who adores us and learns so quickly. There are the kids with eager eyes who crave our attention. And there’s God.
Who doesn’t work within our “structure.”
Who has been preparing these hearts for years.
Who is moving regardless of whether or not we’re perfect teachers.
We not only get to teach the kids, but we get to be free with them. One day I spun a little girl around as she clung to my back. She screamed with laughter the entire time I ran her around. Her joy was pure, real, and innocent. Her laughter filled my ears and my heart. I played futbol with six little boys and girls. We came alive as we ran around laughing and taunting each other. I sit around surrounded by little kids, getting to know them and their favorite things in life. It’s these moments that I’m living for these next three months.
At Training Camp and Lanuch they told us we have to choose to ”die to ourselves” and serve every single day. It wasn’t until we started teaching seven classes a day that I fully understood what that means. It wasn’t until I was frustrated and exhausted and just wanted to be done. Dying to yourself is the realest thing they have taught us thus far. Every single morning on the way to school I listen to worship and pray for the upcoming day. I have to. I can’t get through these days on my own. I need:
Him
His strength
His overflow of joy
His fierce and relentless love
His eyes, heart, and passion for the kids.
I have to choose to push into the daily challenge. I have to choose to get over myself. I have to choose to be His hands and feet; to see His children with His eyes. I know it’s not easy, but this is what I left for. I asked for these challenges. I chose this adventure because it is His plan for my life. If this is where God wants me to be, in the classes He puts me, with the kids He picked out, there is absolutely nothing else I want. There is no other person I want to put all of my trust in. There is no one else I want in control of my life.
It’s time for me to dig in.
It’s time to press into God every step of the way.
I have to let Him move.
