Almost two months ago I said “yes.” I said yes to a life of adventure, to traveling the world, and to the broken people who need help. I said yes to living out of a backpack for nine months, to waiting another year for college, and to leaving my home, my friends, my “comfortable.” I also said yes to everything I’ve ever dreamed of doing.
For a little over a month, my mind has said “no.” It’s been a constant battle field between my dreams and reality. I can only dream of the World Race right now. I can only read blog after blog and watch video after video. It’s hard to grasp or even understand all that I’ll go through. But my mind knows change. My mind knows fear. Those are things I can grasp right now. So that’s where my mind lingers.
People continually ask me “aren’t you excited?” Of course I’m excited! Words can’t describe how excited I really am. But to be completely honest, I’ve been wrecked with fear.
I’m scared.
I’m scared of being away from my family and friends for nine months.
I’m scared of raising $12,000.
I’m scared of being in places where “comfortable” doesn’t exist.
I’m scared of people not supporting what I’m doing.
I’m scared of putting my life in a backpack.
I’m scared of not being prepared.
I’m scared of other people reading my thoughts and feelings.
I’m scared of being vulnerable.
I’m scared of encountering huge spiders, snakes, and anything else that crawls.
I’m scared of not getting along with a teammate.
I’m scared of being completely wrecked for the Kingdom over and over again.
The more I think about it, the scarier it actually is. If I’m not careful it can consume me.
Yet fear has a time and a place, and it’s not now or within me. The joy I know I will encounter overrules fear. The idea of bringing hope to the hopeless crushes fear. The possibility to reach those that haven’t been touched wipes out fear.
I know I’m supposed to go on this trip for a reason. I know it will be more than anything I could imagine. I know my God is faithful, and will continually bring me peace and strength. I know that if I didn’t go on this trip, I’d be facing a whole other set of fears. I know there are people in need who are waiting.
I know it’s not about me.
So I say “yes” because of these fears. I say yes to overcome them. The question is, will you say yes to yours?
