On Saturday, we went
hiking in the Buda Hills. It was beautiful. The colors of fall surrounding us,
reveling in God’s glorious creation.
Afterwards, we went over
to our new friend Mate’s house, and were blessed by his hospitality. As we were
preparing to leave, Leyna, I think, mentioned wanting to see Angelina Jolie-she
is in Budapest filming her movie. I don’t really remember what happened next,
but basically, I said I would not want to die for Angelina Jolie. Leyna, I
think, said, “Well, it’s a good thing Jesus didn’t feel that way about you.”
I said, “Yeah…” and then
this is the really terrible part, and I didn’t really mean it, but… I said, “well,
it was his job.” As soon as it was out of my mouth, I realized what I had said.
I then proceeded to dig myself deeper by trying to justify it, saying something
along the lines of God ordained it as His role in the redemption story, but the
damage was done.
I immediately repented
and asked God’s forgiveness. I know He forgave me, but it gave me a lot to
think about.
When children are
exposed to the gospel their whole lives, from early Sunday school learning
about how Jesus lived and died for them, do they take it for granted?
Is it better to hear and
understand the Gospel as an adult, when you have suffered more of life’s pain,
hardship and experienced death in the lives of others-do you grasp it better?
Or do you then have a
harder time believing someone would die for you, given our human propensity for
selfishness? Is it harder to imagine that someone would be willing to die for
you, the hot mess of a human being you are, especially when that Someone was
perfect? Was God?
As for myself…I grew up
in Sunday school. I knew about God and Jesus dying on the cross for as long as
I remember. I treated it as a free ticket out of hell…even though I know it
cost Jesus everything.
Was the Gospel cheapened
in my mind because of my exposure to it for so long?
I remember being utterly
wrecked by the thought of Jesus dying for me in middle school at summer camp.
Each year, the tears would stream down as we sang songs like The Wonderful Cross
or Amazing Love.
And then, what happened?
How did this terrible switch in my mind occur where it was okay for me to
simply accept Christ’s ultimate sacrifice as fact, as necessity, and miss the
beauty and pain of it all?
It was necessary and it
was part of God’s plan. It is a fact. It is true. It is how God reconcile(d/s)
us to himself.
But it is also beautiful
and painful.
During communion
yesterday, I asked God to help me remember the beauty and the pain and the
sacrifice in the crucifixion and the joy, glory and ultimate victory of the
resurrection.
Forgive me, God, and help me to remember your
ultimate sacrifice of your Son for the love of your wretched beloveds, who you
see as beautiful and priceless. Thank you, Lord.
We sang the song How
Deep the Father’s Love For Us. One of my favorites, and a good remembrance of
the sacrifice of Christ.
How deep the
Father’s love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory
Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished
I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom
