Now that we have four weeks to go, it really is the beginning
of the end, or maybe just the ending. I wrote a blog in Tanzania about my
desire to live in the present these last four months.
NEWSFLASH: I SUCK at living in
the PRESENT.
I believe
the scientific term is “Futurist.”
In Uganda, in our “misery”
(stuck in the middle of nowhere, without electricity for most of it, without
running water for all of it, doing ministry 8 hours a day, though we had beds,
and ample amounts of African food), I counted down the days, and then the
hours, until we reached Dublin.
In Ireland, we were given release to think about what our
future post-race might look like. God gave me some pretty cool dreams, but this
then spiraled into thinking about post-race more than I thought about THE RACE.
The whole race, when I have been wanting to be a “good little
missionary,” I fought to stay in the present…you need to be focused here and learn to minister in the now, not just
dream about home.
In Romania, I thought a lot about home, I made plans for when
I got home (woohoo Hong Kong!), I used our 24/7 wifi to facebook and blog stalk
people instead of processing through my own experience.
So at the end of the month in Romania, I set out goals for myself-I
didn’t want to use Facebook for the entire month of October. I made it about
16 days… I wanted to fast something extra each week, since we were
having so much, and I was not relying on God like I did when we had less. I successfully
gave up soda for about a week. That is all. I wanted to be focused
on the present and not think about the future. That also lasted about two weeks. And then
I got an e-mail from a Teach for America recruiter and it all went downhill
from there.
So now, here we are, in Budapest, with 28 days left on the race. 5 of those are final
debrief/travelling home, at least 3 are travel days, 3 are probably days off.
So that leaves approximately 17 days of ministry left.
17
days?!?!
What happened to this year of ministry?
Of living
sacrificially?
Of travelling the world and ministering to the hurting,
the broken,
the lost,
the poor,
the orphans,
the widows?
I woke up this morning having had a dream about being home. I
was going out with friends, and was wearing the same clothes and same purse I’d
had on the race. Then I remembered-I am home now. I can use my leather purse. I
can wear a different pair of flats than my Toms. I can wear a different pair of
jeans than the ones I’ve worn every day for the past month. And I raced back
upstairs to change, making them all wait for me.
Then I woke up.
Soon and very soon, this will be a reality. And I am so
looking forward to it.
But I don’t want to miss the next
28 days.
With my team.
With ministry.
With God.
