The Beginning in the End

Like most humans,
exempting those who truly, whole-heartedly subscribe to Carpe Diem, I tend to
focus on time other than the present.

In high school, I
was excited for college. In college, I would get excited for breaks, for
summer, for trips to Disneyland, for anything other than what I was actually
learning in whatever classroom I was presently located in. I was excited to
study abroad the semester before I went, and while I was abroad, it was all I
could do not to count the minutes until I got to come home. My last semester of
school before I came on the race, I was excited for the World Race, to the
point where support raising or blog stalking took up more time than school
work. God told me to trust him for the money, so I let that go and believed,
and he totally provided. But at first, I tried to do it myself. I try to plan
for myself and provide for myself and run on human deadlines instead of seeking
heavenly deadlines.

Unfortunately, I
have fallen into the same pattern on the race. I may or may not have been
counting the days until my feet touch American soil since…well…almost the whole
race.

Now that we really
are more than halfway done, and four months from now, I will already be home,
having celebrated Thanksgiving with my family and reuniting with my friends, it
has been especially hard to remain present.

I know I shouldn’t
get bored on the race. I should be living for the kingdom day in and day out,
and that should be the most exciting way to live. Please don’t be upset,
supporters or friends or Mom. I am trying. I am learning. This month, I learned
more about prayer, about living in love, and about choosing to do what is asked
of me, even when I would rather just play with kids. I have learned that I
enjoy teaching but not so much preaching. I enjoy relationships but door to
door is a challenge. I love to just sit and pray while other people talk. I am
learning the value of intercessory prayer, and what my role is in it. I am
learning to pray when the Spirit leads, and to believe in faith that God will
do what he promised.

But some days…I wake
up after a dream that took place in America. Or I watch a television show or
movie set in Los Angeles and dream of the day when I can go to Yogurtland or
Disneyland. The best is when you are watching the Blind Side and you see his
mama’s house in the projects and think, “Wow, I miss couches.”

 

I need to stop
missing “it.” To start being present day in and day out, even when there’s not
too much going on and it is easier to escape to watch a movie or listen to
music or do anything to try to forget where I currently am. Sometimes escapism
is a necessary coping mechanism, but I am tired of coping in Africa. I’ve
already had malaria, so hopefully I will be healthier next month and be able to
focus on what is important. I want to thrive, not just survive. I want to find the heart God broke last summer
in Kenya for this continent. I want to see God move here. I want the Muslims in
Tanzania to know the Lord. I want their children to be free in Christ. I want
to see this nation redeemed. I want seeds that are planted from door-to-door,
from tickling kids and telling them Yesu Ni Upendo, from crusades and hospital
visits, to bloom and flourish and see this nation won for Christ.

Pray for me. Pray for my team. Pray we will
not let our last month in Africa slip through our fingers, but instead, will
take hold of each day for the Kingdom. We will be in Uganda, in an area where
drunkenness has a stronghold. Pray for boldness, for safety, for health,
(apparently, it is a high malarial zone) for passion, for a desire in our hearts for the people of
Uganda to know the Lord. Pray we will see with eyes of faith for a nation to be
transformed. Pray for our attitudes and hearts, that we will no longer simply
try to survive the month but that we will choose to thrive, to love, and to
celebrate.